


Names

by senti_renai



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2018-07-14 00:48:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7145270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/senti_renai/pseuds/senti_renai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soulmate AU. A detective can only wait so long before he starts searching for what he wants most. After years of suffering in isolation, through strong dedication to his career, he realises it won't bring him any closer to meeting his soulmate. Or so he once believed. Until he makes the discovery that Light Yagami, a Japanese honour student, his equal and soulmate, is now the prime suspect of the Kira investigation. When it comes to intertwined fates, it's always bound to be complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been on my mind for a while, so I'm glad to be able to finally get it out there. I really hope you all enjoy, because I intend to write so much more for this, and I'm very excited about it.
> 
> A short and sweet chapter to begin with, then hopefully a lot more to follow. I have big plans for this! I'll be adding more characters as I go, but for now I've tagged the planned characters.
> 
> Rated explicit for future chapters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *UPDATE* 22/08/17
> 
> I've re-worked my first chapter! It's been over a year now since working on this, and I'm sorry I seemed to have given up on it. I always had the intention of coming back to it, but switching around fandoms and writing out new ideas really put this at a setback. Now I've come back to it, I want to re-work all the chapters I've written so far so I can come back to writing the rest of it feeling better about my previous work on it. 
> 
> Enjoy the little redemption I'm trying to give this fic by editing it. One chapter at a time. I'll make it clear at the start of each chapter where my editing is upto. I can promise a big ending, because it's haunted me for over a year now and I have every detail planned out at this point. Hopefully these changes won't take very long, and I can resume writing the remaining three or four chapters.

L bit his thumb and glanced down at the markings on his wrist. It was dark against his pale, sun-deprived skin, and shared many attributes of a tattoo, but this was certainly more prominent. It was a clean marking, with the exact nature of it unknown. Only an unnatural force could create such an attachment to another person; perhaps fate, or merely a temptation of it. 

It hadn’t troubled him in the past, but since the Lind L. Taylor broadcast it had grown sensitive. The mild burning sensation, spreading across his skin, reddening any areas on his inner arm that felt particularly delicate, was a calling to his fate. Their attachment would begin to mean something. This boy had his curiosity with a name alone, but it was only now, in late February, that things had changed.

夜神月  
Yagami Light

A teenage boy, recently turned seventeen, and Japanese honour student. 

L, a twenty-three year old man, shared a connection with a boy at least two or three years too young for him. The connotations of that were unsettling, but he’d already crossed a line, and there was no going back from that no matter how self-aware he was. It was distasteful, he knew that, but it hadn’t stopped him in the first place, and wouldn’t put a stop to him now.

He’d been watching him, and now he was in too deep. Two years of surveillance brought him to question what his motives were exactly, watching someone so young go about their daily life, unknowingly being tracked. Of course he never pried too much and allowed him privacy, but he was unaware of the cameras and those who lurked behind them.

\- - - - - -

A significant amount of time had passed since he last checked in on him. So much time that, when he came back, the camera feed displayed nothing but grey. It’d likely been discovered and taken offline. This hadn’t frustrated him like he thought it would, but he still found himself biting his nails in contemplation of his next move, gazing into the abyss that was an empty, glaring screen.

It seemed a peculiar thing to worry about, bearing in mind he has more important things to attend to. Another case, but something more than that. This time he’d met a contender, and he was all for rising up to the challenge at first.

 _Kira_ , he called himself. That’s how the world chose to address him too.

This was a worldwide phenomenon, unlike anything he’d encountered before in a murder case. Criminals suffering from heart attacks, one by one, eliminated by an unseen force with no trail of evidence left behind. With no evidence came the struggle to convict anyone of such a crime. It wasn’t possible to prove that a heart attack, seemingly natural, was planned by a killer. His reasoning, however, led him to believe that it had to be more than just a coincidence. 

Even if Light knew of the cameras all along, he wouldn’t shut them down without good reason.

\- - - - - -

“Ryuzaki, I… I think you need to see this…”

“What’s wrong?” 

Light smiled to himself, handing over his shoulder the document in question. Again, L he tried to catch another glimpse of the boy’s wrist as his shirt sleeve slipped back. Every attempt so far had been a failure, but he had high hopes that he'd one day find what he was trying to hide.

Reading from the piece of paper as took off from his hands, squinting as he read closer into it than necessary, he tried to interpret what the data was. Graph readings, tables filled with columns of names and dates, and things which, at first glance, appeared to be useless data, or at least not the data he’d been looking so desperately for. It proved to be quite the opposite of useful. His eyes darted across the page and he expected to find additional data to this, but it was still just as discouraging when he pulled back empty handed.

“No criminals have died since your release.” He shook his head, and turning his attention to his cake that sat on his desk, rolling his chair towards it as he began muttering to himself. The handcuff chain dragged against the floor beneath him, but he was wary not to tangle it within the chair wheels. “Any evidence which convicts Light of being Kira is not good news.”

He placed the document down and picked up his fork between his thumb and index, before using it to break away pieces of the crumbling cake. He could sense his partner in crime (far from the literal sense) couldn’t think of anything to say in response. It was the truth, he knew that, but it seemed hearing it reiterated made it real. Light wouldn’t look at him, but L could sense things left unsaid, knowing more about him than he was aware of. He still managed to get some of the cake into his mouth without dropping it back on his plate, undeterred by his strange silence. 

“I think it’s time to call it a day. I’m exhausted.”

“Alright,” L nodded, expecting such an abrupt leave from him. “See you later, Light.”

Light got up from his seat, only to walk away with him still attached without even the slightest hint of a warning. The handcuff chain rattled, serving as a reminder that he couldn’t go anywhere unsupervised.

“Oh.” 

L realized what was happening, but not before he was pulled to his feet and forced to abandon his cake.

\- - - - - -

He sat in the dark enclosure of their shared room with his legs curled to his chest. Light had been asleep for a couple of hours, and L had no intention of disturbing him. It was still difficult not to look at him. The prime suspect of the Kira case was asleep to his right with the resting face of an angel, and vulnerable to anything. Now would’ve been the perfect opportunity to search for a name on his wrist, but he couldn’t bring himself to take advantage of him.

Rolling his own sleeve back and trying to make out the fine lines on his wrist, he saw, even in the unlit room, the name was faded. Once you had a person’s name, it would only disappear in exceptional circumstances, but he was well-aware that it could already be one of those circumstances. He hadn’t made a move, or mentioned the markings to Light. If anything, he was afraid of rejection, but also equally as afraid of him being Kira. It would be enough to take away any possible bond between them. 

These thoughts would occur regularly, and more often than he needed. He would stare at the name imprinted on him and continue to hope that, for Light’s sake, he wasn’t Kira.

“R-Ryuzaki…”

He didn’t try to hide what he was doing, but only because he had his back turned to him. It was clear he couldn’t see it from where he was. There was hesitancy behind his silence, as the teenager was either muttering to himself in his sleep or debating whether or not to bother saying what he had in mind. 

“Do you think about the name a lot?”

L’s swallowed the lump in his throat, and Light took that silence as a misunderstanding. He knew perfectly well which name he was talking about. “The one on your wrist, I mean.”

He wanted him to know. There was a possibility he already knew, as he made little effort to cover it and it was far from being well-hidden, but his sense would return as swiftly as it had abandoned him. It was more that he couldn’t know. It endangered his life if he knew there was a chance to manipulate him, as Kira would never fail to miss such an opportunity. 

Light turned over seconds following him pulling his sleeve back down. He could feel his eyes fixed on him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look directly at him. 

“Go back to sleep, Light. I don’t want to keep you up too,” he muttered.

It was clearly playing on his mind as much as his own. If it wasn’t bothering him, he wouldn’t have tried to pry into such details. It was either his way of finding out the name on his wrist, or asserting that he knew it was his name. 

“I-I’m sorry, I was just curious...” Light stammered, burying his face within the sheets. 

Ignoring him, L sat motionless until Light finally turned his back on him. His heart ached at the thought of him being Kira, and the boy he’d fallen for being capable of committing mass murder. This only made him determined to find evidence that would clear his conviction, or any doubts he had about him, even if he knew he shouldn’t wish for Kira to get away with his crimes. Clearing his name on false pretenses was wrong, and would endanger more lives than just his own. Despite this, L knew he couldn't stop himself from choosing Light in the end.

The remainder of the night was spent thinking things over countless times. Even when the sunlight began to creep into the room, and through all the different scenarios playing out in his mind, he still couldn’t reason with himself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter is finally here, with many new ideas to follow...
> 
> Thanks to everyone for the feedback I got for the first chapter today, and for the kudos. I'm truly grateful!

Misa scuffled with Matsuda over the magazine. She refused to release it, even as they came close to tearing it up. It was a desperate attempt to read what he didn’t want her to see.

“Matsu, pleeease…”

“A-as… Misa-Misa’s manager… I can’t--“

“Let go!” She snapped in response.

Out of fear, he let go of it, which sent her falling into the chair behind her. Before she could scold him one again, she soon realised she had the magazine in question in her own hands. A comic smile flashed across her face before she started flicking through the pages.

Matsuda groaned. “Don’t say I didn’t try to warn her…”

He turned to both L and Light who had been watching them. Neither of them dared to intervene. 

“… _LOVE INTEREST?!_ ” 

Everyone’s eyes shot towards her.

“Here we go…” Matsuda muttered before trying to leave.

“You’re such an idiot Matsuda, why would you tell them that?!”

Matsuda froze on the spot and began trying to explain himself. “I-I couldn’t help it! They wouldn’t stop talking about the second Kira, a-and I needed to--”

“It’s no wonder Ryuzaki and Light don’t like you!”

“I… what?“ 

Both of them tried to avoid Matsuda’s gaze. He looked helplessly at them, hoping for them to deny it, before letting out a prolonged sigh. 

“You know, I think… I’ll just leave…”

Adding insult to injury, Misa threw the magazine towards him as he left, only for it to hit the door as it slammed shut. 

“That’s right, you coward!”

She folded her arms and huffed to herself. It fell silent for a moment, and L found himself enjoying it almost too much. Unfortunately he’d been brought along for her and Light’s ‘date’, only for the events to unfold after Misa picked up the magazine. Obviously there was something in there Matsuda didn’t want her to see.

Ignoring the silence of the room, he got to his feet and walked over to where the magazine had landed. The chain of the handcuffs rattled behind him and seemed to startle Light.

“What are you doing, Ryuzaki?”

With hands in his pockets, he bent down to read it, as it just so happened to lay open on the correct page. Without looking up once, he spoke as he followed the words on the page. “I want to know what the fuss is about…”

Before he could get a better read of it, Misa leapt up and came over to him. He got a quick glance at the name ‘Hideki Ryuga’ before Misa grabbed for his shirt sleeve to pull him away.

“Stop looking at it!” She yelped at him, before lightly tapping his arm as if to scold him too. She let go of L, before she snatched the magazine up off the floor and began tearing and crumping up the pages right in front of him as he watched.

“Why would you hit me like that?” He rubbed his arm, feigning being hurt by her pretend slap against him. If anything, he was insulted.

Dropping the torn paper to the floor, she stormed over to Light and threw herself down next to him.

She continued to sulk. “You’re more of an idiot than Matsu sometimes, Ryuzaki...”

L looked straight at Light, just as Matsuda had done moments ago, only to receive a shrug in response. He’d hoped for more than that. If he could’ve left the room like Matsuda, he would’ve done, but he was still handcuffed. It troubled him as much as it did Light.

Instead, he went and sat down in the chair Misa was previously sat in, and held his legs tightly against his body. 

“So why was Matsuda interviewed?”

Her head was now resting against Light’s shoulder as she embraced his arms. Her eyes shot from Light to L as soon as he spoke.

“Because he’s my manager, why else?” Misa snapped once again. She always had very little patience for him.

“And you’re mad because he said you were interested in Hideki Ryuga?”

Her temper seemed to flare up at those words – it was visible from just looking at her - yet she responded in sheer panic. “I’m _NOT_ , stop talking about it! I love Light!”

“I’m not saying you don’t.”

“Look, I have his name to prove it!” She lifted her arm up to display her wrist, for what must have been the third time that week. “Not Hideki Ryuga!”

Everything about the whole situation troubled him. Misa had Light’s name on her wrist too. It also troubled him that he couldn’t see whose name Light had. Both of those things did nothing but get to him. He didn’t envy Misa, and he knew for certain that her name wouldn’t be on her boyfriend’s wrist. It just left him to wonder if it was his own name or someone else’s entirely. It’s not like it was uncommon.

At this point, Light was watching him carefully. He wanted L to reveal the name that he so desperately tried to hide. It was almost as if he knew it would be his own.

Tugging his sleeve down further, making sure it was fully covered, he finally acknowledged Misa. “I believe you, Amane. You don’t need to prove it to me.”

She finally relaxed back against Light and continued to hug him. Light didn’t look pleased in the slightest with their setup, and seemed mostly uninterested in what they’d been talking about in front of him. It was a blatant façade, which again only pointed to them him being Kira and Misa being the second Kira. She was infatuated with him and did everything he asked. Why else would he keep up their obviously false relationship? 

The phone next to him started to ring. He was hesitant when he noticed both Light and Misa were watching him, but he soon picked it up. 

“Hello?”

Soichiro’s voice came from the other side of the line. “Ryuzaki, Watari is trying to contact you.”

“Thank you, Yagami-San. I’ll be there shortly.”

After the brief phone call ended, he put the phone down before getting to his feet. 

“Light-Kun, you’ll need to come with me.”

“He can’t go!” Misa begged. “Our date isn’t over!”

Her arms tightened around her boyfriend’s, which only made him grimace. Being quick to pull himself away, he managed to escape her hold, and looked eager to leave.

“I’m sorry, Misa. It might be important.” He tried to console her. Even so, she still looked disheartened that he was leaving her again. L was almost glad they called him, and even wondered if they’d done that intentionally to get them away from her or whether Watari actually wanted to speak with him.

Letting them both say their goodbyes, they were soon heading out of her room. From the second the door closed, relief seemed to wash over Light’s face as though he’d been waiting to get away.

They walked together down the corridor without uttering a word to each other, even as the silence grew uncomfortable. Neither of them had really spoken since the previous night. From what L understood of it, Light hadn’t been the same since that conversation, and since he avoided showing the name he had, but he couldn’t ignore L forever. There was still a case which needed solving.

Once they reached the elevator, it took a few seconds for it to arrive. Yet not a word was spoken.

The door opened. They stepped in simultaneously, knowing that it was only getting more awkward from that point onwards. Just as L was about to press the floor number, Light beat him to it. There was a short delay before the doors closed, and the elevator finally began moving down.

“Light…”

“Ryuzaki…”

Both of them spoke at the exact same time. It didn’t take long for either of them to crack under the strain of silence, and it came as a surprise to both of them.

“You know we can talk to each other, right?” Light mused, letting a cheerful laugh escape him.

He nodded. “Of course, I just thought you weren’t feeling up for making conversation with me.”

Light had definitely been sulking at him that day - it was too apparent - though he probably realised it wouldn’t get him anywhere with finding out the name. For some unknown reason, he wanted to know what it was. Maybe to use against him, or maybe he had his name too. He hoped for the latter, but the thought soon struck him that it would also be worst case scenario if he was Kira.

His interest in Light was putting the whole case at risk.

In fact, he’d put himself at risk in order to meet him face-to-face, but he knew he had to meet him. The suspicion against him only worsened from there. If he’d have felt so strongly about that beforehand, he would’ve been more cautious about showing his face to him. And now it was too late if he had his name too.

The only other person who knew about this was Watari, and that was his safeguard. If Light was to kill him, then Watari would inform the rest of the taskforce that Light may have known his name.

But that was only if it was his name.

His attention snapped back to Light when he was pushed against the elevator wall.

Looking into Light’s eyes, he saw something in him that he’d never seen before. They were glistening, and wide. He looked ready to pounce at him any second. He stared intensely back into his eyes, hoping that he didn’t plan on killing him.

There were no cameras monitoring any of the elevators. Light knew about that.

He forced himself to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. 

“I’m not going to hurt you.” Light muttered to him. “Relax.”

Those were strange words to hear coming from him, and he wondered if he was actually planning on an attack. He was still tense even at those words. 

“Let me see the name. I need to know.” He demanded.

So that’s what this was about?

That didn’t stop him struggling to get out of his hold. It wasn’t murder, but it seemed close. The growing aggression behind it was worrying.

“You know I can’t do that, Light...”

“Why?” Fingertips pressed into his shoulders as he was gripped tighter. 

“I just can’t.”

L could feel himself being shaken by Light. “So you can act like I don’t already know it’s me, and continue to ignore it?”

The elevator came to a stop, and the doors slid open.

Light finally let go, still staring straight at him. His expression gradually softened in realisation of how he’d reacted.

“I’m sorry, Ryuzaki.”

Light shook his head and walked straight past him out of the elevator, and seconds later he could feel himself being dragged along by the chain between them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've really enjoyed this chapter in particular. I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it.
> 
> I love the feedback I'm getting too! It's nice to hear all of your thoughts on this, and it's actually giving me ideas for where this fic will ultimately go/what else I may do with this AU. Feel free to keep sharing your thoughts in the comments as I really enjoy reading them. ♥

Upon their approach, and hearing voices from the rest of the task force, L still couldn’t help but linger slightly behind Light. His confrontation in the elevator had been enough to leave him intimidated. It also left him to wonder what could have happened had the doors not opened to their floor in that exact moment, with the others just within earshot. Maybe they couldn’t hear them clearly, but they would have surely heard him call out for help. 

That being if he had the chance to.

It wouldn’t have taken much for the teen to have killed him there and then. And if he was Kira, he’d be able to wipe out the remainder of the task force, and leave no traces behind. They were the only source from outside, aside from Watari, who even knew the case was on-going, and that Light was a primary suspect.

There needed to be more precautions in place, and he needed closer monitoring. It was likely that he’d arrange that with Watari. But even if he had the safety measures, nothing would prevent that same feeling of dread coming back.

Neither of them spoke after that. Light did seem to regret what he did, but L’s concerns only seemed to grow from there. Light walked ahead in silence - the only sound that filled the corridor was the rustling of the handcuff chain as he was lead back to their main room of operation.

“I was only trying to protect her, Chief… Misa-Misa already has too much drama in her life! Rumours will only make her worse! But she still—“

“I’m getting tired of hearing this.” Soichiro Yagami’s voice echoed throughout the tiled corridor. “That’s unimportant right now; focus on the task at hand…”

“I’m sorry, she just—“

“Be quiet, Matsuda.”

“Sorry Sir.” He replied sheepishly. 

Light was the first to make his entrance into the room. Both Yagami-San and Matsuda-San looked like they were busy and paying very little attention to what was going on around them. It seemed they were both working together on something, if he could call what Matsuda was doing ‘working’, and neither of them noticed the other two walk in.

“Yagami-San,” He managed to catch their attention, and continued following Light. “Did Watari mention why he needed to speak with me?”

“I… I thought he may have needed to speak with you because he called, but there wasn’t an answer from the other end. Matsuda and I decided to trace the call…” 

“And results came back from England!” Matsuda interrupted. “Pretty cool, right?”

Light glared at him, most likely because he’d interrupted his father.

“England?” He pressed on with urgency, but tried to hide the fact he already knew he was there on a short visit at the orphanage. It was just a concern that the line was dead from his side of things. “What made you decide to trace the call?”

Soichiro cleared his throat. “We thought that he may have been in trouble. I’m sorry if we've taken things too far.”

“No.” L shook his head at him. “You did the right thing. Where exactly did the call come from? Have you pinpointed the exact location?”

Matsuda spoke up again. “Winchester? I think?” 

“That sounds about right then…” A sense of relief washed over him, knowing that it was unlikely he’d encountered any danger and tried to contact him. “I’ll try to contact him now. Thank you.”

L dragged Light along with him over to his computer. He could feel him tugging at the chain, as if he was trying to catch his attention without the other two noticing. They seemed to revert back to other tasks they had, such as looking for any potential signs of Kira’s activity and documenting it. With the way Light was acting, it was beginning to look like an unlikely prospect that they’d uncover anything.

Even as he tried to set up a call, he could still feel the teen trying harder to get acknowledgement by tugging against the handcuffs, but he simply ignored it. He needed time to think about what to do before talking about names, or what happened back in the elevator. It wasn’t the place to talk about it.

He finally started the call from his laptop. That was enough to make Light stop.

It rang for a few seconds before being answered. 

The room was filled with the sound of the microphone on the other end being moved around and scratched against. Everyone in the room listened without uttering a word. These noises were soon accompanied by a very quiet, distorted voice, which could be just about heard coming from the other end, yet it was too incoherent to understand.

“Watari?”

The other end of the call had now fallen silent too, but this was soon followed by sounds of multiple quiet voices. With each second, they seemed to grow louder.

“—uck off N-Near…”

The audio continued to crackle. It let out short bursts of altered voices at a time, and was having connection issues which caused the sound to break up.

L glanced over at Light, who looked like he was trying to work out what was going on. 

“Ju… let me…”

“Get—“

“H-hey!”

“S-stop struggling!”

The voice modulator had been disabled, and he was quick to recognise that voice. 

Mello.

And he was sure he just heard Near.

“Where’s Watari?” L finally interrupted their argument hoping that it was enough to get their attention, as well as to keep them from fighting.

Mello was the first to speak again. “Is that…?”

“Yes, what did you expect?” Near replied.

He took this opportunity to ask again.

“This is L. Where’s Watari?”

There was a long pause between everything he said and the two boys actually answering his questions. Not only was he looking for Watari, but also for an explanation of why he wasn’t able to reach him directly, and why it was going through Mello and Near first. Had all the data he sent back while he was away been going to them?

“He’s in a meeting. We were told to stand by and wait, just in case you called, but _someone here_ happened to call you instead…” Near responded, with a sullen tone in his voice. 

“For god’s sake Near, why wou--”

Again, Near interrupted Mello. “We hope this isn’t a problem. Watari is alive and well, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Tell him to contact me when he’s free from his meeting. And thank you.”

“No problem. L.” He deadpanned. Near was never the fondest person of him, and it was apparent just from his voice.

He chose that moment to end the call. That was all he needed from them, and thought it would be best to ask Watari about that later. This also meant he couldn’t get hold of him in that moment to arrange things which he needed. It was always a struggle when Watari went home without him.

He could sense that Light was desperate to ask questions. 

Looking over his shoulder at the other two, they acted as if they’d not been present or heard anything of that conversation, which came across as strange. They all understood that he didn’t plan on explaining himself, which was better for him, but he was concerned with their lack of concern. Light was the only person there who was showing a normal response.

Now ignoring the others, he left the room with Light.

\- - - - - -

His and Light’s room always felt the safest. Mainly because he had cameras secretly put in there, which he would have had no knowledge of seeing as L forgot to mention that important fact to him. He hadn’t so much ‘forgotten’ as he had lied, when he actually told him there weren’t any cameras in there. It wasn’t like Light could do anything without him watching though. They were there for his safety, and only the others knew about them.

At least if he was attacked again, he’d have the proof to back his claim up. If he’d told the other task force members what happened earlier, it was likely they would have dismissed it, either due to their belief of Light’s incapability of that, or his lack of evidence of an attack from someone who it just so happens he wants to blame for a crime.

“I told you I was sorry, Ryuzaki…”

His eyes shot up to look at him. The way he’d interrupted their shared silence made him feel uneasy. That guilty look on his face could have easily been an act, but somehow he found it believable. 

He’d spent the last half an hour curled up in his chair thinking over what he should do. Whether it was about what Light had tried to do to him, or how he could explain Near and Mello if he asked. Light obviously knew there was something going on that he didn’t want to tell him. This worried him more knowing that he could be Kira, and how he’d told him that he’d be the successor to L in the event of his death.

What action would Kira take to make sure that he could keep his position to being L unrivalled? 

“I understand that you were shocked, but I just wanted to know. I can’t handle this amount of secrecy anymore. It’s driving me crazy...”

“So you’d resort to intimidating me just to get the information you wanted?”

That may have been a little blunt, but it was certainly true. Light looked lost for words. He went to say something, but he couldn’t bear to hear his excuses any longer, and instead chose to silence him.

“That sounds like something Kira would do...” He muttered to himself but made it clear enough for him to hear.

He only looked away from Light for what must have been a few seconds. When the information seemed to sink in, he got up from the bed and paced over to him, which itself was even more provocative, but this time it most likely wasn’t his intention. What he said only reaffirmed that.

“Whatever you may think, I’m not Kira.” The teen stated before going on to ask a question. “But even so, just being hypothetical, would Kira really kill a person who had his name on their wrist?”

It was a weird question. Surely he knew that that could only depend on the malicious intent of that person in question. And if it wasn’t L who had that name, then maybe he wouldn’t. It was just unfortunate that he happens to be him. Kira’s rival. There wasn’t a chance in the world he’d ever agree with what Kira was doing either, so it wasn’t like he’d overcome that just from having Kira’s name. He knew he was right. That would be the only sensible thing to do. It’s what Light would certainly do at least.

“Yes. More so if it was L who had his name, I don’t doubt for a second that he wouldn’t hesitate to kill. And if Kira has my name too, that will only increase the chances.”

He could sense Light shaking his head behind him.

“I don’t have your name, Ryuzaki.”

Glancing over his shoulder, he knew Light must have been serious just from how forlorn he looked after saying it. He could have gone as far as saying there was a look of guilt on his face.

“You don’t? Then how did you--”

Light interrupted. “I just knew. You’ve been acting strange around me from the start. It wasn’t hard to guess, and your reaction earlier only proved it.”

L had nothing more he could say to him. Hearing that he didn’t have his name made him feel hurt, but he was aware of how fortunate he’d been because of that. That probably explained why he wasn’t dead yet. Light didn’t know his name. The thought of that wouldn’t stop him feeling pained though. What made things worse was that he’d made him feel threatened to get that information, when he didn’t need to know, and shouldn’t have known. 

He’d been too careless with how he’d treated him. L had given him too much, and had definitely not treated him as harshly as he would anyone else who was Kira, merely because it was Light.

Before he had chance to think of something to say, Light came and knelt down on the floor in front of him. He was about to ask what he was doing, until he began to roll his sleeve back to show him the name he did have.  
Watching intently, he couldn’t help but feel tense. Surely he must have looked that way too.

Light held his wrist up for L to see.

After all of the trouble it caused him, the pain he went through wondering if Light shared his name, the idea of not knowing, which had been enough for him to torture himself with, day in and day out spent worrying about it…

And Light didn’t have a name on his arm. Not a single trace.

“No name…”

Light nodded solemnly. “No name.”

There was nothing else he had left to say. That outcome had been better than expected, but at the same time, worse too. Even though L had his name, Light hadn’t been granted his, or anyone’s for that matter.

From his knowledge, that never happened. He’d had many small cases where he’d been asked to hunt someone down with a person’s name, under the alias of Eraldo Coil, renowned for his ability to find people, and only took those up because of his own interest and to help hold up that persona. They weren’t the most challenging of cases, but he liked to see them turn out well. It didn’t take him long himself to find Light. But out of all of those cases, he’d not once come across a person who didn’t have a name. Sometimes they had a different person’s name, which was normal, but he never knew that some people existed without one.

Light remained knelt before him. In that moment, he almost felt pity for him for having to live through what much have been a very lonely existence. His eyes were now averted away from him as he stared down at his own wrist.

He was never a person capable of making someone feel better unless he solved a case for them, but he tried his best to reassure Light. This at least made him glad he decided against bugging the room for extra security measures.

“Maybe you just need time. You’ll find someone, even if you don’t have their name.”

His eyes widened. Light looked more hopeful than he ever had. “Do you think so?”

“Yes. I do.”

They were both lost in thought at those words. It may have been a small lie, and he knew that it most likely wouldn’t happen, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave him disheartened. He always had a soft spot for Light, even when he suspected him of being Kira. Even now, he was still a suspect. But he couldn’t let go of how he felt. He wanted to care for him without having to relate him back to Kira’s crimes.

Light stared him straight in the eyes. His voice dropped to a whisper.

“Then I think I’ve already found someone.”

That would’ve been enough to kill him there and then, as he was sure his heart had stopped.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally here! The next one will be here tomorrow, so keep looking out for it.
> 
> And as a side note, feel free to follow me on tumblr, sentinelai, because I'm up for discussing fic stuff and headcanons... I don't have enough people to talk about Death Note with and it breaks my heart aha.

Time seemed to come to a standstill. His sincerity about it made his stomach flutter, when never in his life had he experienced that over anyone. Light may not have seen him as a soulmate, but his words alone were enough. He knew it was something that could always change. It was only a case of finding where the problem was and searching for a resolve. Light’s feelings, if they were to be believed, and his own, should be enough.

From that moment he knew he never wanted Light to leave his side. But his suspicion would continue to complicate things between them until they could prove he wasn’t Kira, and never had any involvement in those crimes. It was now the beginning of wanting to believe him.

To his dismay, Light got to his feet. L watched him intently. His heart was erratic as he tried to work out what he was doing, and why he was choosing to back away from him.

“I can’t do this. Not even to Misa.”

Those words made his heart drop. “What’s wrong?”

Light fumbled anxiously with his hands, and couldn’t seem to bring himself to look back at him. “Misa is my girlfriend. It’d be considered cheating if something happened between us…” 

“What do you mean, Light?”

His lack of understanding made Light go quiet. It was difficult trying to see what he was getting at, but he could understand to an extent that a strong relationship between them both would make for an unhappy Misa. What he wasn’t sure of was what Light meant by ‘something’. 

L scratched his head in thought, before pressing him further. “What ‘something’ do you expect to happen?”

This question only seemed to irritate Light the more he probed into it. By this time the teen was frowning, and was now staring right at him again in some strange hope that it would make him understand. Was he missing some hint, or were they just failing to communicate how they were feeling towards each other? 

“Like a relationship, Ryuzaki…”

Everything he said was finally starting to make sense.

“That thought never really crossed my mind. I enjoy your company and how you make me feel…” 

All sorts of things were running through his mind over what Light must have been thinking. It was heart wrenching, and he wasn’t sure if he actually meant what he was saying at all, but he was still finding it difficult to overcome many things. He wasn’t ready to get that close to Light. In fact, he was still concerned about his behaviour and how he was still a threat to him if he was Kira. He had considered it, but he played dumb and tried to avoid letting that on to him. The truth was far worse than the small lie of not seeing their relationship in that way. Jumping ahead of things would only push them back again, especially if something else went wrong. Being close was enough for him – for now at least.

L hesitated, choosing his words carefully. He hugged his knees close to his chest. “But I’m not sure I’m prepared to enter a relationship.”

That instantly provoked a reaction from Light, as though he’d struck a nerve by saying it.

“I thought that’s what you were expecting?” 

“You should understand me better than anyone. I’m not the type of person who is into the idea of being a couple and being… recreational with each other. I just enjoy being with you.”

Light clearly pondered on that thought before he spoke again.

“You mean you’re against romance? Or is it something more than that? I’m sorry to put it so bluntly, but I’m just trying to understand...” He shook his head, and started to look like he was losing all hope. His expression seemed empty. “I’d never force you to do that. That’s just what I thought you wanted.”

A sigh escaped him. Light’s reaction had let him down, and left him feeling disappointed that he hadn’t told the full truth. It was partially the reason behind it, but most of what deterred him was everything else that’d happened. He couldn’t bring himself to say that he just couldn’t trust him enough. 

“I just need time, Light.”

He felt Light’s hand touch his shoulder. It took him by surprise, and forced him to look back up at him. 

“Then I’ll give you time. I need time too. We need to figure out where to go from here.”

All he could bring himself to do was nod. As Light fell silent, he wanted desperately to take back everything he’d said, but as much as he wanted it now, it wouldn’t work in the long-run of things. There needed to be a resolve, whether it is the Kira case, his trust in him, or Light’s already established relationship with Misa. They couldn’t do it without fixing those first.

He’d never felt so lost before. Light made him experience many feelings he thought he never could. 

\- - - - - -

Another restless night came and went. It was 6:30am, and he hadn’t slept even as Light lay peacefully next to him. Thoughts still continued to flood his mind, drowning out every ounce of sense he still had.

It’d been a difficult decision to come to, and as much as he tried to convince himself it was a mistake, he knew it was the right thing to do.

If he wanted to trust Light, he needed to let him prove it without needing to be monitored 24/7.

The first step to his solution was to take the handcuffs out of the equation. Not only would it give Light some space, but he no longer had a need for them either. A few hours prior to him coming to this decision, he’d been informed by Yagami-San and Matsuda that Kira’s killings had started again. Being Light’s father, he urged L to grant him his freedom, seeing as he could no longer remain a suspect. The decision he made didn’t exclude him from being a suspect, but it certainly meant he could begin to trust Light knowing that he couldn’t have been Kira – at that very time at least. Maybe he had been Kira - as he’d insisted over the weeks that’d passed - but he could now safely say that he wasn’t after his confinement. Not only did he have the proof now, but he’d seen a great difference in him after being released.

It was a relief, though it now left him in a bad position in terms of solving the case.

But that wasn’t his main concern anymore. He couldn’t bring himself to face the Kira case in the current state he was in, seeing as he was overcome by the sense of emptiness that rejecting Light brought him. Maybe he needed to talk to someone and figure out what to do.

Who could he really rely on to tell such a big secret to? Watari was out of the question. As wise as his shared knowledge was, that was certainly out of his region of discussion. His second choice would have been Misa, considering her success in understanding relationships, but she was also a poor choice considering it was her boyfriend he wanted help with. Matsuda may take an interest in helping, but he wasn’t exactly someone he could rely on for helpful advice, nor could he tell him about his interest in Light because he’d only tell Soichiro.

Watari seemed to be his only choice. Even if he didn’t discuss Light with him, he could at least find comfort in speaking with him, and he still needed to make efforts to contact him again.

Taking the handcuff keys out of his pocket, he unlocked his end of the cuffs. Reaching over to Light, he did the same on his end but tried his best not to disturb him while he slept. He slipped the handcuffs away from him carefully. Light stirred from his sleep, which made him freeze up, remaining as still as possible in hopes that he’d stay asleep, but he simply turned over to his other side. His could see his breathing was steady, which to his relief, meant he hadn’t woken up.

He slipped off the bed, and made his swift exit from the room.

\- - - - - -

By now, it will have been 3pm in England, which meant it wouldn’t be a bad time to call Watari.

L sat in front of his computer, which was the only source of light in the empty room. Dropping his usual persona, and way of sitting, he sat normally on the tiled floor in his hidden room. The room was discreet enough not to be found, and out of the way enough not to be heard. He was almost glad that he’d made the decision to separate himself from Light, as it gave him room to act like his normal self again. Most of what he did was an act to startle or confuse him. When he was alone, he had no need for it.

If he did grow closer to Light, it’d most likely come as a surprise to him that his usual self that he’d seen wasn’t him being himself. It was an act, a lie, and means of deceiving him and others.

Realising his thoughts were racing away from him again, he turned his attention back to making his call.

He inhaled, and exhaled deeply. It was difficult trying to keep calm as he tried to think of what he could say that would relieve him of his worries, without giving away too much information. But he pressed on with it, and finally started the call.

It rang a few times before it finally established a connection. Again, it was quiet on the other end.

Why wasn’t he answering his calls?

“Watari, is that you?”

A familiar, unprocessed voice spoke from the other end.

“No. It’s Mello.”

Mello? Again?

“Where is Watari? I need to speak with him.” He requested sternly. This time he was determined to get hold of him, though he knew Mello was very difficult to work around and make requests with. The fourteen year old could be incredibly stubborn at times.

Mello hesitated, and seemed reluctant to say anything. 

“Can you at least tell me where he is?”

His reply was sharp and straight to the point. 

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why?” L questioned further. He started to feel tense as different thoughts ran through his mind all at once. Anything could have happened to him, and he wouldn’t have known any better. It was foolish of him to have not thought of a contingency plan for reaching out to him.

“He told me not to tell you.”

“Is that so?”

From being asked those words alone, his temper was becoming apparent as he answered. “Yeah. He said the same to Matt and Near, I’m not lying to you.” 

Something seemed to click after hearing his response. If Watari was in any real danger, he wouldn’t have told the trio to keep information from him. That now also gave him some leverage over Mello, who he could use to help him.

“Well you’re good at keeping secrets.” He continued, beginning to sound bemused. “I have a secret, and I’ll tell you in exchange for you giving me information on Watari’s whereabouts.”

Mello could be heard inhaling deeply, and he could almost envision his eyes lighting up with interest. There was a small pause between his question and the teen’s answer.

“A secret? I hope this is worthwhile, L.”

A smile crept across his own face. Mello’s fearlessness in saying what he was thinking, even to the greatest detective in the world, made him feel proud to call him a successor. It was a provocative and interesting tactic to use to get more information from him.

“I’m having relationship issues, and I’m consulting you alone for this, so I’d like you to keep this a secret. From Watari in particular.”

This was enough to grab his full attention. His voice perked up slightly, and he began to seem amused by this weird exchange of details. “Go on.”

“What methods would you suggest of learning to trust someone?”

“I’d monitor what they were up to, and see if they do anything deceptive or not.”

He frowned. That’s what he’d been doing for the last two weeks, and that hadn’t exactly worked out as planned. “I see. Any suggestions apart from that?”

Now that was enough to make him think long and hard about it. 

During Mello’s silence, he opened up the security footage on his screen that was currently being recorded in Light’s room. Catching him just at the right time, he was awake and could be seen investigating the issue of the missing handcuffs, and a vanishing Ryuzaki. He sat on his bed in confusion, contemplating what he should do.

“I’m not sure. Maybe you could give them time to prove they’re worth your trust.” Mello replied.

“Mm…” He grumbled to himself, having hoped for a different solution than his own. His gaze remained fixed on Light, who had now taken to curling up on the bed where he’d been sitting not so long ago. “I’m far too impatient for that.”

“Then give them the benefit of the doubt. If they backstab you, you can always plot your revenge.”

Something about the idea made it sound crazy. That was an extreme action to take in this case.

“I wouldn’t want that. And I doubt I’d still be alive to get that revenge.”

He could interpret that how he wanted, but for now that’s all he planned on sharing. Now Mello needed to hold up his end of the deal. L hoped that an insight into his personal life would be enough of a good exchange.

“Now tell me where Watari is.” He demanded.

Mello sighed deeply.

“He’s with me.”

His mind went went blank.

“What do you mean?”

“Watari heard everything you told me.” 

He blinked a few times. From looking at Light, to thinking about what he’d just been saying, he was starting to instantly regret saying anything to him.

In the midst of his silence, Mello spoke again. “You were apparently acting strange before he left. He wanted to find out why, but he knew you wouldn’t tell him. So I offered to help get that information out of you.”

That was an idiot’s mistake that he’d just made, and he thought he knew better than that. Neither did he know that Watari knew anything was going on. He’d slipped up somewhere along the lines. 

For the first time, L’s successor had outsmarted him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a huge amount of writer's block lately, and towards the end came across a certain topic, so this chapter was extremely difficult to put together. Now I've overcome the writer's block, I'll probably have another chapter up sooner than expected.
> 
> With each chapter, I always end up listening to one or two songs on repeat throughout writing it. It's actually very helpful!
> 
>  
> 
> **Just giving a fair warning about the end of this chapter. I've tagged what's to come.**

L bit his thumb in silence, contemplating his next move.

“L?” Watari’s voice came from his computer. Mello was no longer speaking, and it was likely it was now just him and Watari. “How are you feeling?”

He shook his head to himself. “I feel foolish, Watari. Have I made a mistake?”

“Your emotions are not a mistake. I understand that you would feel the need to speak with someone, but I believe you should go by your own instincts on the matter.” He replied softly, in his usual soothing tone. Nothing had changed about this, despite what he’d admitted to. “May I ask one question of you?”

“Ask away.”

“Is it Amane?” 

“Not quite.” L replied swiftly, tapping his fingertips against the floor tiles as he contemplated whether to explain it any further. That question took him by surprise. It wasn’t like Watari to jump to the wrong conclusion.

“That was all I needed to know. I shall return in two days’ time.” 

Watari ended the call without further explanation. Did that mean he’d figured out that it wasn’t Misa Amane, but in fact, Light Yagami? He knew that Watari had never seen the name on his wrist. Knowing that he wanted a relationship with someone he couldn’t trust, it would make sense to think it was Amane. But just from denying that, the second guess would have to be Light.

The situation he was in wasn’t exactly ideal. Watari didn’t seem angry with him, but he wasn’t sure how else to explain himself upon his return. Throughout all that effort he put in for answers, L had come back more empty-handed than how he’d started.

\- - - - - -

Two days had passed, and in the span of 48 hours, everything had changed.

Upon Watari’s return, Misa Amane had been detained, once again, on the grounds of being the second Kira. And this time, L had evidence for his claim.

He’d uncovered a death note. 

The most effective murder weapon he had ever come across. A notebook which could kill, when the writer had the name and the face of the person they wanted to kill. Being in Misa’s possession, it was undeniable that she was partly responsible. But the issue remained that despite her confinement, the killings continued. 

Not only that, but Light Yagami had been cleared of his suspicion. He was the first to notice Misa’s strange behaviour, and made sure to inform the rest of the task force. At first, L was skeptical, but when forced to watch the surveillance footage from her room, he soon noticed something unusual himself.

She’d been talking to herself. As far as he knew her, she was completely sane, even after her initial confinement. It wasn’t like her, and Light saw that too. Something had changed. Of course, with L being quick to investigate any small detail, the team soon discovered the poorly hidden notebook.

And not only did he find the notebook, but the shinigami with whom she’d been speaking to.

“Do you know if there is anyone other than Misa who owns a notebook?” L addressed the creature, which he could now sense looming over himself and Light. 

After touching the notebook, along with Light, they could see and communicate with it, which was unnerving to say the least. Its presence was unnatural. He may have been quite open-minded to new ideas, but supernatural beings were not something he’d expect to see involved in such a crime.

“I don’t know. It’s possible, but I would be the wrong shinigami to ask.”

_The wrong shinigami?_ He thought to himself. “So you’re suggesting that you’re not the only shinigami?”

Rem paused, realising she’d let on much more than she intended to. She had no choice but to continue. 

“Yes.”

“And there’s more than one notebook…” He trailed off in thought.

“I suppose you could say that.”

He couldn’t draw any definitive answers out of her. No matter how he phrased the questions, it would always come back to him trying to catch her out. Just from the way she avoided his questions, it seemed that she was trying to hide most of the vital information from him until he was forced to ask. Every answer was vague, or ‘I don’t know’. Did this thing care enough about Misa to try and defend her innocence? From the start, that was all the shinigami insisted upon, claiming that Misa hadn’t committed any of the murders written in the notebook.

Yet the handwriting matched up, and so did the timing of Misa disappearing into the blind spots of the surveillance. This creature was taking him for a fool.

Amane struggled in her restraints on-screen. As much as she tried to fight against it, there wasn’t a chance that she’d make a successful escape. His only concern was to what extent of power that Rem had and whether she could intervene.  
Now ignoring the creature, he turned his attention to the teen sat next to him.

“You must be tired, Light. I don’t expect you to have to monitor her with me.”

There was no response from him. It was troubling how much this had changed Light in such a short period of time. 

He’d never seen him this way before. With a pale face and deep-set, darkened eyes, he remained fixed on Misa, showing obvious concern for her. Only one day had passed, and his appearance was already unkempt. With his legs were curled to his chest, he’d become an exact imitation of himself. 

Moving to talk into the microphone, he switched channels from Misa to Watari.

“Watari, could you come and escort Light to his room?”

Light quickly dropped out of his fazed state, trying to shake off his look of unease. “I’m fine, Ryuzaki.” 

Tilting his head, trying to get a better look at him, L studied him carefully. 

“You don’t seem fine.”

“I am.” Light snapped. “And you need me here now that the rest of the task force have left.”

That much was true. The only people left working on the case were L, Light and Watari. The remaining task members took their leave when they received the news that Misa had been put back into captivity. It wasn’t too much of an issue now that he’d found the tool for murder, as he knew he could soon track down the other Kira from that alone, but they were quick to see how this could backfire on them. If the first Kira knew the second Kira had been imprisoned, he’d become more of a danger to the people responsible for that.

Matsuda was one of the first to object to L’s suggestion of leaving the task force, but he soon backed down when Yagami demanded that he put his life before solving the case. Aizawa followed, but merely because he needed his life back to support his family. It was out of his choice, and worry for their safety, that they were told to leave. He couldn’t blame them, either.

Even so, he could work just as effectively without their help at this stage of the case.

Yagami-San tried his best to discourage Light from staying, but he was reluctant to give up on the case, much to L’s relief, though he wasn’t in favour of him putting himself through the distress of seeing Misa like that. He needed his help, but he wasn’t useful if his feelings were impairing his judgement.

“Try to get some rest, Light-Kun. I need you with me on this.”

Watari arrived at his room and let himself in. Without saying a word, he patiently waited for Light to go along with him.

“Go.” L urged him. When Light glanced desperately between him and Watari, he tried to reassure him. “I’ll be leaving soon, too. Watari will take over for us both, but I need to speak with him first.”

This time, Light agreed to it. He nodded, climbed to his feet, and followed behind Watari until he was out of sight. L was alone once again.

Since Misa had been taken into custody, he tried to avoid the subject of Light’s name, or any of his feelings towards him. His initial reaction to hearing his girlfriend had fallen under suspicion and had been taken captive again was to claim L wanted to sabotage his relationship for his personal gain. Luckily the other members of the task force weren’t present at the time, which had been a wise decision on his part. It wasn’t until he confirmed the discovery of the death note that he finally backed down, realising that this time he had the concrete evidence he needed to convict her.

Despite his accusations towards Light, he seemed as alarmed as he was. Such a thing existing did seem impossible, but there was still a part of him which doubted that Light had never known of it, or had any involvement in the killings. He could have easily used Misa being his girlfriend to his advantage. It could have given him some control over this notebook.

The book sat on the coffee table in front of him, and he could still feel the shinigami’s gaze from where she’d now moved to one of the back corners of the room. He went to pick it up until Rem spoke again. His body froze in its current position.

“I gave Misa that notebook. She received it not long before you took her away.”

Of course, that’s what the dates added up to. Any pages which may have existed before that had been visibly torn out from the book. As much as Rem tried to be vague, there were times when she’d throw useful information out there for him.

He looked over his shoulder towards her. “What made you choose Miss Amane?”

No matter what the shinigami was feeling, she remained devoid of any human emotion. The way in which she moved was very rigid. It made her very difficult to read.

“I care for her.” She responded.

This made him curious enough to push for more answers. 

“Then why give her a murder weapon which would put her at risk of being caught? Surely if you care for her, you value her freedom too.”

“I do.” Rem interjected. “But that notebook rightfully belongs to her.”

“Belongs to her?”

“A shinigami died to save her, and that was his notebook.”

That gave him a lot to think about. 

Before he could ask another question he had on his mind, Watari returned. He couldn’t see or hear the shinigami. L went through all levels of effort to keep him from coming into contact with the notebook. If he was to die through the action of touching this mysterious notebook, he needed Watari to remain alive. The rules in the back of the book stated that if it was destroyed, anyone who touched it would die. He couldn’t risk losing him. Unfortunately for Light, that was too late. He couldn’t resist picking up the notebook himself even after his warning.

The man was now stood at his side. “You needed to speak with me in private, Ryuzaki?”

“Yes.” He got up from his seat and began stretching out his legs. “I would like you to discontinue monitoring Light.”

“Certainly. Is that all?”

“And could you keep a close eye on Amane tonight? I need some rest.”

Watari didn’t answer, but he knew he wouldn’t refuse. His legs had grown numb from being sat down for too long, which he only noticed when he stumbled out of the room, walking straight through the shinigami as he made for the door.

\- - - - - -

He tapped on the door. Since they were no longer handcuffed, they weren’t sharing a room. It’d been a difficult time for Light, and L couldn’t stop himself from checking up on him, in hopes that he was still holding up. When he couldn’t hear any response to his knocking, he tried again, and again.

“Light-Kun,” He called out on his third attempt. “It’s L.”

“What do you want?” It caught him off guard when he heard his disgruntled voice come directly from the other side of the door.

Maybe he wasn’t so sure what he wanted, or why he felt the need to show up at a time like this. 

“I was just checking up on you before I went back to my room. I’ll just be leaving--”

The door clicked and slowly swung open, revealing Light. 

What instantly caught his attention was the blood-stained carpet beneath his feet. Not only that, but as his eyes travelled up his body, he saw the blood running down his hand, dripping onto the floor from his fingertips. His arm was a complete mess, and had clearly been slashed multiple times. That’s when his eyes flicked up to meet his; Tear-filled, bloodshot and exhausted. 

His mind soon caught up to him. Panic started to set in. “L-Light?”

“I… I d-don’t… want to be K-Kira….” He gasped breathlessly. “I h-had to, I’m sorry…”

Light’s body trembled, and he soon began sinking to his knees. Without wasting even a second processing what he’d said, L leapt forward and caught him before he hit the floor. Being unable to support his weight, he carefully sat him down, before snatching up an already discarded towel from next to him. It was covered in his blood. He looked down to find blood all over himself. It was everywhere, and he could feel his own arms shaking as he pressed the towel against the wounded area to stop the bleeding. 

“Wh-why?” L asked, trying to stay level-headed. “I don’t understand…”

He knew Light wouldn’t answer him as he began sobbing and pressing his face to L’s shoulder. Trying his best to calm him down, he hushed him, and cradled him in his arms. He lifted the towel, knowing that with the amount of injury he'd inflicted was likely to scar badly. He hoped to get a better look at the gashes in his wrist to assess the damage, but something dark under the blood caught his attention.

L Lawliet. He tried to ignore it, and forced the towel back down.

_I’m sorry, Light…_


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Man oh MAN.** It's here. 
> 
> 13084 words, to be exact, and it's still going strong.

The events of the previous night were, at first, unclear to him. His memories appeared shrouded and hazy, but he managed to recall where he was and why he was there. Light lay motionless on the bed with L’s arm wrapped tightly around his shoulders, pulling him close, with Light’s head resting against his blood-soaked shirt. 

With a quick glance around the room, he found Light’s blood smeared in various places, including the door, the walls, the floor, and even the bed sheets. It was any wonder that he was still alive.

That thought urged him to double-check he was actually breathing, to which his was met with Light’s chest steadily rising and falling. Looking at him now, he couldn’t wipe the image of him that he’d been met with during the night. He knew he’d never forget that. It was a thought he just couldn’t shake. 

L soon recalled what he’d seen on his wrist, and moved quickly to remove the towel, to which he’d resorted to wrapping around his arm in the early hours.

It had dried into the wound. It had become difficult to remove, but he found himself beginning to peel it away, even if it made him feel sick to his stomach. Light’s exhausted features contorted with pain and agitation, but he persisted. If it wasn’t removed soon, it was likely it’d cause infection. 

As it pulled away, he looked over his self-inflicted injuries carefully. 

It pained him to see the deep cuts he’d made just to remove the name, but even so, it hadn’t been very successful. His name was as clear as it could have ever been. 

Letting go of his wrist, he moved Light’s hair away from his eyes. They still bore the dark shadows as though he hadn’t slept, and looked red and irritated from him constantly rubbing them. He couldn’t help but nurse him. Placing a hand over his forehead, he was met with warmth, causing L to let out a deep sigh of relief. 

“I thought I’d lost you.” He whispered to him. “Please don’t scare me like that again, Light.”

This made him think back to what he’d said to him. About Kira. _I don’t want to be Kira._

But that was impossible, surely he wasn’t Kira? After being watched over 24/7, he’d never once shown signs of being capable of killing, not even when Soichiro pointed a gun between his eyes, and he was never found to possess a death note. Amane received hers because it had been given to her by Rem. There would be no reason to suspect Light now.

Unless his memory loss claims were true, there was still less than 0.1% of a chance he could have been Kira right now. 

It was possible he had been Kira before his confinement, and feared his memories returning. The thought crossed his mind that maybe Light was scared of becoming Kira, as he’d also tried to claim. 

And knowing L’s name was dangerous if he was to suddenly revert back to a previous forgotten state, or get his hands on a death note. Yet he still risked his life by attempting hide the name from himself; even when he given the opportunity, he didn’t want to know his true name. It was becoming clear to him that Misa hadn’t been what was keeping his mind occupied. Now that she was no longer around him, and as he was getting close to solving the case once and for all, Light had acquired L’s name.

He would have let him continue sleeping, but he began to groan wearily.

Light’s eyes opened, only to meet L’s. 

“R-Ryuzaki…” 

“How are you feeling?”

“N-not great,” Light muttered in response, before he noticed that L’s shirt, which had started off white, was now smeared with blood. “What’s going on?”

There wasn’t an opportunity for him to answer before he caught sight of his wrist, and the blood which covered him too. His eyes widened. The sense of panic had returned to him, only this time he seemed much more dazed. 

Looking back at L, he fought to get himself away. A feeble attempt quickly became aggressive as he used his hands to physically push L back, even as he refused to let go of him, and violently thrashed his legs around. Taking it upon himself to restrain him, L grabbed for his upper arms, wanting to avoid pressing a hand to his wrist, and pinned him against the bed. That only frustrated him more as he tried to pull away from his hold.

“What have you done to me?!” Light hissed between gritted teeth. “L-let go!”

Doing as requested, L released him. 

The teen didn’t hesitate to crawl off the bed, and even as he fell to the floor, he struggled to his feet and dashed through the open door and into the bathroom. L propped himself up against his elbows, and watched him from across the room as he stood at the sink. At first he gazed into the mirror - most likely looking at his reddened eyes and assessing himself for any other injury. His attention soon turned back to his wrist. Turning the faucet on frantically, Light stuck his wrist under the running water, before crying out in agony and withdrawing it. He curled over, and fell onto his backside.

He couldn’t bear seeing him in so much pain. Running over to accompany him, he turned the water off again, and squatted down to him. Light was grasping his wrist and staring at the wounds.

“I wouldn’t hurt you like that, Light.”

Momentarily silent, his eyes remained fixed with focus on the name, before he began muttering to himself. “I did this, Ryuzaki… I-I didn’t want to know, I might be Ki--”

“You’re not Kira.” He interrupted.

Light shook his head at the claim, brushing it off entirely. “You don’t know that.”

“Kira wouldn’t jeopardise his own life to cover up the existence of L’s name.”

“I’m not Kira right n—“

“Then that settles it, Yagami-Kun. You’ve said it yourself, you’re not Kira…”

“…right now.” Light added.

“No.” L stated bluntly. “You’re not Kira, and you won’t be Kira.”

That was enough to make him look up, as he tried to read his expression for any sign of him lying. It had him looking completely bewildered. “But before my confinement? You know better than anyone—”

“There’s no proof. I had no evidence; therefore I can no longer make that accusation.”

Light frowned, but he caught on to what he was saying. Even if he had been Kira, it was already too late to convict him of those crimes, and had become much less likely he would choose to be Kira again, even if he had a notebook – at least not with L’s name on his wrist. Most would think that the chances of his death had increased, knowing that he could wipe L out on his own whim, but Light’s actions alone proved that he was already too attached. He was afraid of killing him.

“I trust you, Light Yagami.”

He lowered his head. L tilted his head to the side, trying to follow his eyes even as they became obscured by his hair.

“Then before I betray that trust, you need to see the truth.”

This time he wasn’t sure what to expect.

“Go on.”

\- - - - - -

By 7am, they set out on their walk through the cold and overcast Sunday morning. L made sure to wrap a scarf snugly around his neck to keep most of the chill away as he walked, with Light proceeding to lead the way for him along the twists and turns of the streets. 

He’d informed Watari that he’d be taking a trip out with Light, and said he’d be back for at least 9am. There hadn’t been any suspicious activity with Misa during the night, but the killings hadn’t subsided either. 

Light refused to explain what he needed L to know. Instead, he took to showing him what he claimed was the truth, and stated that it was the only way he’d understand or believe him.

After cleaning up his wounds and bandaging his wrist, as well as changing out of his ruined clothing, they headed for where Light wanted to take him. He tried to avoid asking any other questions until he got there, knowing that it must have been important if he needed to be with him in person. The idea of going outside was far from something he considered doing, but he was urged to. 

Twenty minutes had now passed by of walking in complete silence. 

“Yagami-Kun, I’m beginning to wonder why you’re forcing me to set foot outside, particularly in weather such as this.”

“It’s just through that clearing, over there.” He pointed out to him. “We’re almost there.”

From what he could make out, he was pointing towards a group of trees next to a derelict building, which wasn’t too far from sight from one of the bus stops. His curiosity only grew from there. 

His pace had now quickened, and L tried to keep up with him until he remembered they were no longer handcuffed to each other. Upon realising this, he slowed down and allowed Light to gain distance on him, but he still kept his eyes on him. When he came to the clearing in the trees, he walked straight through.

“We’re going in there?” He called out to the eager of the two.

Light stopped, and turned to see him approaching at a much slower pace. His question was answered with yet another question. “Yes, what’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing.” L muttered, shaking his head. He couldn’t let on that he was anxious about it.

Sighing and rolling his eyes, Light pushed onwards.

That wasn’t the only thing on his mind, and the need overcame him to ask more questions. The silence had been killing him. “So when were you planning on telling me about the name?”

Light kept walking, as though he hadn’t heard his question. 

“I can’t talk about this right now, Ryuzaki.”

“Why?”

“Just _stop asking._ We’re not doing this _now._ ” He snapped.

It was striking how much offense he took to being asked a simple question, but as L continued to ponder on this to himself, Light came to a stop before a large tree that cut between him and his path.

Light knelt down without any explanation, but L came up alongside him and did the same.

To his surprise, he began clawing the disturbed soil away with his hands. It was clear it has been dug up before, and whatever was buried under there was now being unearthed again. He could only watch in wonder. 

“Now,” Light started explaining. “There should be another death note… under here…”

Was he trying to suggest he knew where the second one was?

“Another?”

No answer. He just kept digging away, but soon started to slow down when he couldn’t find the supposed death note he was looking for. Glancing around his initial digging site for a few seconds, he started frantically bringing up most of the untouched ground.

“Where is it…?” Light muttered to himself. “I know where I put it…”

He seemed convinced that he’d possessed a death note, and had buried it in the ground where they were, but from what L could see, there was nothing there to prove otherwise. Now it seemed he was trying to make himself look like Kira.

All he could do was reassure him. “There’s nothing here, Light.”

Again, he was ignored. Now focused on his watch, he began tinkering with it. L could hear clicking, and when he turned his attention to it, saw the bottom of it slide out - with a small piece of paper attached. Light took it between his fingers, and held it up for them both to see.

“I kept hold of this. By relinquishing ownership of my death note, I lost my memories of it, so I wouldn’t remember being Kira…”

He was skeptical, and his heart was trying to deter him, but he played along. “You can do that?”

“Yes.” Light acknowledged his question. “Keeping this in my watch guaranteed that when I touched Misa’s death note, which had also been in my possession, I’d retain some of those memories.” 

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?”

The way he reacted to this made it believable, but he didn’t want him to be Kira. Not now when they’d grown so close. They had each other’s name. Maybe Light was trying to prove he no longer had any intention of killing him, even if he had been Kira. But, as he said to himself, he didn’t want to believe that, and would go to any length to reassure him of his innocence.

“After all that time spent accusing me of being Kira, you won’t listen to me now? You said you trusted me!” His voice had become erratic, but it seemed he was struggling to get angry with him.

“I believe that you have no intention of becoming Kira just to kill me.”

Light brought himself closer to L. “Then what don’t you believe?”

“I refuse to believe that you are Kira.” He answered solemnly.

With his mouth agape in shock, he couldn’t understand what he was getting at. “Why?”

He stared at him, taking in every reaction to what he said. 

“You can’t handle the guilt of thinking you are Kira.”

“That still doesn’t make sense.”

“You’re trying to remove my name from your wrist because you’re scared you’ll kill me, and you think that lying about being Kira will remove my name...” 

L paused, trying to collect his current thoughts together. Again, he was forced to choose his words carefully. “Light Yagami does not want to know my name, and knows that if I believe the lie that he _was_ Kira, he’ll lose me as a soulmate. But… Light is not Kira.”

As much as he tried to play the fool, he knew all along that Light had been Kira. But with the connection he felt to him, the lack of evidence – disregarding the scrap of paper in his watch, which he purposefully overlooked – and the on-going Kira activity, he knew that would remain a secret to the world. The soft-spot he had for Light had become much more prevalent. 

L wanted to forget that Light was ever suspected of being Kira, and if that meant ignoring evidence and choosing to pursue the current Kira instead, then so be it. 

Light had changed, and he couldn’t give up on his soulmate.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've uploaded as much as I've written so far, and this is the longest chapter yet, but I'll try to get the next one up asap!

Since returning, they resumed watching over Misa.

Rem towered over them both, clearly waiting to see what would happen. Not once had he seen her move from where she was. She kept close to the notebook, even if it meant being away from Misa.

It had taken some time for him to come to his conclusion, but plenty of thought had gone into his idea as to what he should do about letting Misa go. She couldn’t stay in confinement. But now, armed with some vital information that Light had given him, he needed to act on his plan. If she gives up ownership of her death note, and loses her memory of the killings, there isn’t a chance she’ll become Kira again when the notebook is in his possession. Of course, that doesn’t restore the justice of the murders, but if she can’t remember the crimes she committed when she wasn’t conscious of it, then there’d be no sense in convicting her.

Not only that, but Light wouldn’t allow for her to die no matter what she’d done. If she was to face the death sentence on the terms of being Kira, then it would have only been fair for him to share the same fate. It was possible the same could be said for the current Kira, but he’d have to cross that bridge when he came to it.

L placed his teacup back down on the table. 

“We’re going to set Amane free.”

From his right, he could feel Light’s gaze. He was either annoyed or contemplating the idea.

“But first, she must give up her ownership of the notebook.” He added.

The shinigami was the first to speak up at the idea, and it was becoming much more apparent that she wasn’t pleased with this given scenario. 

“And what happens to Misa if she refuses?” Rem questioned warily.

It was difficult to judge how far he could push this shinigami before he angered her. Was it possible she could kill him? Surely that was what the title of ‘god of death’ entailed. 

“Then she’ll be sentenced to death.” L muttered, knowing that even he didn’t want that.

This forced her in a difficult situation. She could choose to remain with Misa until her time came on death row, or she could convince her to relinquish ownership and live a free life. But this would mean a free life without Light.

“Shinigami,” he addressed her again. “I’ll be sure to explain everything to Amane, but I have a question.”

Not only was Rem intrigued by this, but as was Light. 

“If she gives up the death note and loses her memories, will she still remember her love for Light?”

“Yes.” She answered swiftly, without much thought this time. 

Her unconditional love for her boyfriend had become another problem. If she were to go along with this plan, he couldn’t allow her to have access to any information about the case, which also meant she couldn’t see Light on her own whim. That would only make things difficult. Along with Light having L’s name on his wrist, and not hers, she’d soon find something to get worked up about. 

She needed to be deterred from Light, which was a bigger task than it seemed.

\- - - - - -

“Misa. Are you awake?”

The girl lifted her head and looked straight at the camera. “Ryuzaki…?” 

She recognised his voice instantly without the modulation, which had her moving around restlessly in her restraints. This time she hadn’t been blindfolded, and knew she was being watched by L – not her ‘creepy stalker’, as he was referred to previously. With her being under the impression that Ryuzaki was a separate entity from L, and how close he was to Light, doing it this way made him sound convincing.

He cleared his throat, before turning his microphone back on. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I have something I need to tell you.”

“Wh-what is it?” Misa stammered. 

Rem had now appeared next to her. Misa noticed this, but chose to ignore her, most likely under the impression that L couldn’t see her. 

“Light Yagami passed away last night.”

Her head dropped back down again. There was nothing but silence from her for at least thirty seconds or so following the news. Even through the poor resolution of the recording, he could see tears falling from her eyes and hitting the cell floor beneath her. She shook her head repeatedly as though she were trying to deny it from herself.

“I’m sorry.” L whispered. He wasn’t sure himself whether that was part of his act, or whether he truly felt sorry about lying to her.

Light knew what he was doing, but L urged him to leave the room as he carried it out. It would’ve been a risk to have him in the room with him, on the off-chance that she’d hear him or he’d let his emotions overrule his judgement again. At least he knew this wasn’t entirely against his will. Convincing her to give up her time as Kira guaranteed the safety of her life, and would hide the last remnants of evidence pointing to Light being Kira.

“I can’t take this…” Misa began sobbing. “P-please, Rem…”

The shinigami watched over her without saying a word. Her begging did nothing to convince her, as she knew that killing her would be the least ideal solution. It was now up to L and Rem to push her into giving up the death note.

Her sobbing grew worse every second. “I-I just want to see Light…”

It took him a moment to compose himself. Now that he was getting close to covering this up, he was beginning to feel nervous. It may not have been the right thing to do, but it’s what he wanted.

“He’s gone. I know Yagami-Kun was Kira, and that you were the second Kira.”

Again, she looked back up. “D-does that mean...?”

“He not only passed away, he was sentenced to death. But if you were to give up ownership of your notebook, as I was informed by Yagami-Kun, you’ll lose your memories. And if you do that, I can’t sentence you.”

There was another silence following that. Her wide-eyed expression indicated that she became aware of her own fate, and that of Kira’s true image being wiped out of existence. 

“Then I’ll die with him.” She adamantly proclaimed, with tears rolling down her cheeks. 

Misa may have been stubborn, but he knew Rem would be able to work around this. She wanted her alive, for one reason or another. If he acted as though he wasn’t aware of her presence, and allowed the shinigami and talk her out of wanting to die, then he could let her go, knowing that she’d be safe. 

This was for his selfish gain, that much he was aware of. But he wasn’t prepared to consciously put her in any more danger than she’d already been in. 

Now it was Rem’s turn to try and save her.

Misa turned to look at the shinigami as she spoke. “This is foolish. This isn’t what Light would have wanted. He worked so hard to keep you safe, you can’t let L win.”

Those were wise words, and from that point onwards, he knew this was going to work. Rem knew just what to say to Misa. Her life was dependant on Light’s fate, but if she believed she was carrying out his wishes by staying alive then she’d do just that.

“Give up the death note. Live the rest of the safe life he’s provided for you.” Rem urged.

She lowered her voice. L could still hear her, but she was led to believe he couldn’t. “The criminals…”

“A new Kira is taking care of that.”

It took some time to get a real answer from her, but he remained patient as both he and Rem waited for her answer. Five minutes had passed, before she once again became fully responsive. 

Misa nodded. That was it.

Rem hesitated. When she got a second nod of reassurance, she vanished out of the cell. 

L switched between the lines on his microphone. 

“Watari, you can release Amane. Make sure she leaves with her new manager.”

Now Misa’s fate was sealed. In her eyes, Light was dead, and she’d have no recollection of using the death note or ever being the second Kira. L could only hope that she wouldn’t do anything stupid, but he knew Rem’s words, even if she hadn’t remembered them, would have resonated with her in some form. Sometimes she was capable of carrying out stupid acts, but she was far from an idiot.

\- - - - - -

It was 12:34 am. Light was most likely asleep, in the comfort of his own room. It’d been two days since his incident, and one day since Misa’s release from confinement. L had been trying to track down the current Kira, but any leads he found seemed to stray. The deaths were becoming much less frequent, but that didn’t mean Kira wasn’t still at large. 

That left him with one question. He paced slowly along the corridor, questioning his future motives, and hoping to work out what he wanted. Now what?

Not so much for the case itself. When he asked himself that question, he had Light on his mind. Hardly anything had changed since he was parted from his girlfriend, and both of them were trying to work to their best efforts to find a new lead on Kira, however, being distracted by Light wasn’t helping. That’s what he needed a solution for now.

This would make it one of many sleepless nights, and counting. 

\- - - - - -

With his glass drinking chocolate cupped between both hands, he slurped away at the whipped cream and marshmallows, while staring aimlessly at his open laptop. 

02:16 am. 

He wasn’t sure what he’d been doing with his time, but all he could remember doing was making the hot chocolate. It seemed strange to him to carry out that task himself, but his mind had been too preoccupied for him to notice. He didn’t think to call for Watari. Instead he kept to himself in his own room, needing some time alone.

The sound of the door opening caught him off guard. He knew it wasn’t Watari, as he always remembered to knock before he entered.

Light stood in the open doorway, stretching and yawning simultaneously.

“I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d come and sit with you.” 

L didn’t answer, but he watched as Light closed the door behind him, and came to sit down next to him on the couch. As opposed to his normal way of sitting, Light sat himself cross-legged. This was the first time he’d seen him look so calm. 

The teen just stared at him. With nothing to say, L continued to enjoy his beverage.

“How are you able to have so much cream on that?” Light asked, stopping him mid-sip. 

Upon taking the glass away from his lips, he left remnants of cream behind, causing Light to scowl. Instead of scolding him for it, he wiped it away with his thumb and pressed it to his own lips. Light blinked rapidly, as though something had just occurred to him, and from pulling his hand away and staring, he quickly became flustered and averted his eyes. The awkwardness of the situation was even enough to make L squirm uncomfortably in his seat, and the brief silence that followed only worsened this.

He knew he had to say something.

“Maybe I need you more than I thought, Light-Kun.”

_But only on the premise that it wasn’t something like that…_ He cursed to himself.

Light only laughed this off, but it was clear he was starting to regret coming to sit with him, particularly when neither of them had anything else on their minds except each other. It wasn’t an issue that they didn’t know they wanted each other. They both knew, and that was the issue, but one could only wait for the other to slip-up and make the first move.

Anxiously repeating the same process he did before, he sipped his drink again, only this time avoided getting any on him.

Just as he turned to look at Light again, he’d swiped some cream off the glass with his thumb, and proceeded to wipe it softly against his lower lip in one smooth motion. Before he could object, he was grabbed by the shoulders and faced with Light’s lips pressed to his own. 

He could feel him lapping up the cream, and couldn’t help but tense up when he felt his tongue enter his mouth. Involuntarily, his tongue brushed back against his, and he could taste nothing but whipped cream. With his chest tightening against his pounding heart, Light took his almost empty glass away from his hands and placed it upright on the floor.

They both separated as Light pulled away, but only for a split second as he was, again, pulled back. Light’s clenched fists had grabbed for his shirt, and he now had L leaning over him, panting breathlessly.

Whatever they were doing was a strange concept to him.

When it came down to it, he wasn’t entirely sure what to do, or whether he enjoyed what they were doing. There was probably no harm in going along with it, so that’s exactly what he did.

Without warning, L reached down and scooped up more of the cream from the glass with his fingers. 

Now it was his turn.

He smeared it against Light’s lower lip, but instead of returning the kiss, simply licked it off with his tongue. It always came back to who won, and who lost. This time, he lost, but managed to get his revenge. Light tried to drag him back in, but he refused. 

_This is what happens when you try to fool me, Light…_ L mused to himself. He took great pleasure in denying him what he wanted. 

Light smirked at him. 

“If you liked that, then I have a fun idea for us both, Ryuzaki…”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow that was difficult to write, but it's finally here at just over 3000 words. It's been almost a week, I know.
> 
> I've listened to so much music while writing this. I spent so much time on it too. The next chapter may not be up for a while now but I'll get around to it at some point, even if it takes a couple of weeks/months to get back on track.

It was indefinite what exactly made him go along with what Light wanted, but he did so anyway, knowing that it could have easily been a very bad idea. In some cases, what they were doing would have been considered just that. Yet he found himself enjoying every second of it.

L’s wrists were bound to the arms of the chair, and his ankles tied to the legs. This could have been considered torture, which it was in all honesty, but he was enjoying it much more than he should have been. 

His toes curled at the discomfort of having cream squirted on them. Light licked it up in its entirety, making sure to take his own precious time doing so.

If he’d have known Light had this much of a foot fetish, he wouldn’t have allowed himself to be barefoot around him. The fascination of doing that was something he could never understand, though considering the pleasure he was getting out of this himself, mocking him for it would only make him a hypocrite. 

To his luck, he could hear the can was almost empty. The teen shook it, realising this too, but he kept smiling even as L tried to struggle out of his restraints.

Giving the can one final shake, his hand grabbed L’s jaw and pulled his mouth wide open, filling it with the remainder of the cream, before clamping their mouths together and lapping it up with his tongue. The can could be heard falling to the floor. Light’s fingers worked their way through his hair and momentarily pulled him in closer for better access to his mouth, before giving a harsh tug on his hair in an attempt to tear his mouth away. L was reluctant as he tried to keep his mouth pressed to Light’s, but with his restraints, it was to no avail.

It was torment that he couldn’t just do what he wanted. The sensation in the pit of his stomach made him feel uneasy, but he knew he needed more. Again, he made efforts to work himself loose from the chair he was tied to, which only seemed to humour Light. He tried staring him down, practically begging with his eyes, hoping that he’d have some sympathy for him; the teenager only continued to smirk down at him. 

“What’s the matter, L?” He sneered. It was clear from his arrogance that it was meant to provoke him, which proved to be working quite well. 

An involuntary groan escaped him, and his words were enough to make him squirm.

This only brought an even wider grin to his face. “I guess it’s no fun, being held hostage, but you’ve only lasted fifteen minutes. It’s going to take a while to make up for my confinement…”

His heart dropped. 

_Make up for it?_ His mind raced with thoughts, which only had him growing concerned for what ‘fun’ he had in store for him. _He wouldn’t…_

Light leaned in, bringing them both eye to eye.

“The name on your wrist only proves you’re mine. You can’t escape me, even if I choose to let you go now.”

That seemed somewhat like a threat. When Light backed away again, L attempted to thrash his legs around, but he still couldn’t work himself loose. Being in this position made him feel extremely vulnerable. Even if Light wasn’t Kira, it was still equally as terrifying to hear than if he was.

Yet something about being defenseless, bound to a chair and threatened gave him an adrenaline rush like no other, and made him want to know what was coming to him next. Not only that, but he longed to be his. Light’s words sent a shiver down his spine. As his excitement became physically apparent, he wanted even more so to be untied. Being unable to touch himself made him increasingly desperate for Light to give him more attention, or at least free his hands so he could take care of things. 

“Y-Yagami-Kun, untie me…”

“Why?” He questioned knowingly, with a grin still plastered on his face.

The fact Light knew what he needed, and had the power to deny that pleasure to him, was humiliating. His ignorance only added to the strain because he knew L wouldn’t give him an answer, however, it did evoke some form of response from him. Once again he panted and struggled to get an arm or a leg free, even though he knew it wouldn’t do him any good.

Light was aware that he was refusing to speak, and decided to press him further. “If you give me a good enough reason, I might consider it.”

He shook his head vigorously to make his point clear. There wasn’t a chance he’d give in so easily.

“Then it looks like I’ll have to force it out of you.”

Biting his lip in hopes it would distract him from his state of discomfort, he watched as he swiftly took his shirt off. His gaze was fixed on him, and with a gleam in his eyes he let it drop to the floor, granting L the view of a shirtless Light. That still wasn’t enough to tease him with though. He’d seen him without a shirt on many occasions, so it’s not like this was any different, or making it any more likely he’d crack under pressure. 

With hands moving to unfasten his pants, he took his time with slipping them off along with his boxers, which was enough for him to refrain from looking away. It was jaw-dropping to witness.

If he was still thinking rationally, he wouldn’t have dared watch him. But he was too needy. Anything he could lay his eyes on was good enough to keep him temporarily satisfied, but as he quickly came to realise, it only worsened his situation. Light was looking far from innocent as he dropped his pants, revealing how aroused he actually was. 

A jolt of excitement shot straight through him. It pained him how constricted he felt by his own clothing, and he made an effort to sit up rather than slouch in his chair. This worked with alleviating some of the discomfort his tight jeans were providing.

From what he’d seen, Light was much better than himself at hiding it. Not once had he groaned, begged, or jumped at any chance to do this. In fact, he probably could’ve gone on how he was for much longer, without having to give himself any attention. It was as though he enjoyed it, which he could see from his expression alone. He seemed content, still managing to keep his composure. There wasn’t anything that would’ve suggested he was aroused in the slightest, as he didn’t look flustered or needy, as he was aware he looked himself. 

Light wrapped his fingers around his cock, and grunted as he stroked it in his palm. 

His eyes squeezed shut and he quickened his pace. L let a barely audible growl escape him, though it still made Light open his eyes again to look back at him. His eyes were now glazed over and out of focus as he watched him, but all L could do was return a scowl.

“Wh-…what’s wrong?” The teen asked, still playing with himself. 

Again, he gave no answer. It irritated him knowing he’d been cornered, and had essentially lost at his game.

Another grin was brought upon his face. Despite being breathless, he didn’t stop even as he spoke. “I can’t give you what you want… if you refuse to tell me why…”

He sighed. There wasn’t much sense in keeping up his silence any longer.

“You’ve already won, Light. The least you could do is untie me. It would only benefit you…”

That seemed to make him consider it, and as the motion of his hand slowed, he most have come to realise that L would only be useful to him if he was freed. There wasn’t much he could do when tied to a chair. Yet he still smiled and tried to act like it hadn’t affected what he planned to do, even when it clearly had. 

“I could do a lot more for you…” L muttered.

Light made no effort to stop what he was doing. “Like what?”

“Anything.” 

“Is that so?” He replied.

Shifting around nervously, he knew he needed to stay calm and think of a way around it, though he couldn’t help but plead with him. It was too much, and his patience was running low. He couldn’t hide how desperate he was.

“Please...” He begged, avoiding eye-contact with him.

And he just kept going, wanting to push him further. “Tell me, and I’ll do it…”

This was breaking point. All he wanted now was relief. His voice lowered to a whisper, and with dignity no longer intact, he hung his head in shame.

“Make me come, Light...” 

Light had finally stopped playing with himself. Even looking away, he could tell he was grinning in satisfaction that he’d made L crack under pressure. It came as a surprise when he didn’t gloat, and instead proceeded to untie him without uttering a single word. 

He knelt down and untied his ankles first and foremost. One leg came loose, only for the other to follow shortly after. Light looked up at him, but he refused to meet his eyes as he waited for him to move onto his wrists, which were still bound to the chair. Yet he wouldn’t. Instead, he reached to unfasten his pants.

“What are you…?”

“I said I’d do what you wanted.” Light stated as he managed to get his jeans undone. His fingers slipped under the waistband, and began tugging down on them. “Were you even listening? I only said I’d consider letting you go... and I’ve chosen not to.”

It hadn’t taken much to fool him. 

But at least now, through his undying need for some form of release, he’d have what he needed, even if his hands were literally tied. Without objection, he let Light pull his pants off. He gasped as he slipped them off to reveal his hardened cock, dripping with pre-cum, and the cool air against it was already a relief in itself. 

He groaned as Light took it in his hand and began stroking up and down in a fluid motion, taking it so slow and making such steady movements that he thought he’d finish there and then, with little effort on his part. With his fingers gripping ever so tightly to the arms of the chair, he could only wish that his wrists had been untied. The teen was doing it nowhere near fast enough, at least not in comparison to how he would, or how he did with himself moments prior; he wouldn’t have put it past him to be doing it intentionally.

“Light...”

His eyes flickered up from his idly moving hand. “What’s wrong?”

It was painstaking to see him act so oblivious. He knew exactly what he was doing was wrong, but kept up his clueless façade to torment him. 

“Please do it faster.” 

Light gave him sly smile, yet still somehow maintaining his wide-eyed innocence. “I can’t. Not before I fuck you, anyway.”

And those were the exact words on his mind as he said it. Fuck you. All that time he spent giving him false hope that he’d give him what he wanted, only to make him have to wait it out even more. Enough was enough. He refused to take any more of his teasing, and could no longer cope with the amount of frustration he felt at being toyed with. It was agonising.

“Then fuck me now.” L demanded, this time being completely stern with him. “I’m getting tired of waiting for you, Yagami-Kun.”

For the first time in a while, he wasn’t smiling anymore. “So impatient…”

He growled in response, noting that he was stalling, which only made matters worse. Knowing what ticked the other off and using it against them created the tension between them both, and he was aware of this before he decided to play dumb and innocent with him. L knew they’d always find other things to argue about. Light knew exactly how to brush him the wrong way, and it was as though he enjoyed doing it.

Interrupting his internal rant, he started to untie his wrists from the chair.

“Oh I see. So now you’re letting me go, when you could have done that when I first asked…”

He laughed as he managed to free his right hand. “It seems you didn’t enjoy the taste of your own medicine, L.”

Clenching his still bound fist and teeming with pent up rage, he finally snapped. 

“How is that relevant? You weren’t in this… _this state_ , when you were confined! That’s just foul play, Yagami-Kun! You tied me up and used your poor excuses on me to prove a point?!” 

“Hey!” Light frowned, swatting away his flailing hand. “If you’re not careful, I’ll just leave you here!”

He inhaled deeply, trying to calm himself before he reluctantly apologised. Unfortunately that’s not how it came out, as he still found himself to be irritated and making another snap back at him.

“Alright, fine. I’m sorry. Is that what you want?”

This time he looked taken aback. “It was just a joke. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Then why say it?”

“Just calm down, Ryuzaki...”

“And now it’s Ryuzaki again? Not L?” 

Light, for once, seemed genuinely lost. “What?” 

Now that the thought was on his mind, he couldn’t stop himself saying it. “It was L when you had me tied up, but it’s Ryuzaki when you decided that you’ve had enough of punishing me.”

“I still don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”

“You did this to me for what I did to you as L, and used it as a way to get back at him - or should I say me. Then you differentiate between me and those actions afterwards by calling me Ryuzaki.”

He narrowed his eyes at him, and seemed unhappy with his accusations. “That doesn’t even make sense. You’re overthinking it.” 

L shook his head, adamant that he was right. “I know you, Light Yagami, and deep down, you want to get your revenge against L, without facing the moral consequences of tormenting me.”

They stared each other down, now mentally at each other’s throat and wanting to rip the other apart. No longer were they in the mood for what they intended to do, as the argument killed off all their arousal. It hadn’t taken long for tension to grow between them again. He was beginning to regret saying anything. Light was clearly angered and unimpressed at him spoiling the mood. 

It was already way out of control, and L knew it. He rarely ever let himself get emotional, but he wished his mouth had a better filter for when he did. 

He definitely had it coming now.

Light stood up and didn’t even hesitate before he began to redress himself. “Fine. Just ruin what we had, just like you do with everything else.”

“Ruined everything?”

“You’ve ruined mine and Misa’s lives. And every life you put on the line to catch Kira hasn’t exactly worked out well for you either because they all turn up dead, just like those FBI agents...” He paused as he pulled his shirt back on. “And now you’ve lost your trail on Kira, and ruined your own chances and people’s hopes of catching him, because you wasted all that time coming after me.”

“Wasted my time?” L’s anger got the better of him again. “Light, I know you were Kira. You’d have faced much more than a ruined life. I’ve saved you and Misa from a death sentence!”

“Then maybe that was the wrong decision.” 

Before he could argue back, Light was fully dressed and heading for the door. His heart sank. 

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Light opened the door and proceeded to leave.

“Light!”

It slammed shut behind him, and he’d left without another word.

L sighed, but worked at freeing the remaining hand that was tied up. Within seconds, he was off the chair, awkwardly pulling his pants back up.

Maybe he had ruined everything.

\- - - - - -

He’d been sat with his back to Light’s door for the last hour. It was now 5am. When the teen wouldn’t answer the door, he made the assumption he’d fallen asleep, and thought it best not to let himself in straight away. Giving him another thing to argue about just seemed fruitless.

It took him a while to decide to chase after him. At first he sulked in front of his laptop, hoping to find something that would get his mind off what he said, but nothing worked for him, though waiting around for him wasn’t making him any better either.

He rested his head back against the door, before making another attempt to call through to him. “If you don’t answer me, I’ll be coming in anyway. It’s been at least an hour now.”

No answer. He got to his feet, and went for the door handle.

The door opened with a gentle push. His eyes scanned around the room hoping to find Light, who he thought would’ve gone back to his room, but instead found nothing. There wasn’t anything to suggest he’d been back either, other than the cleaned up bloodstains which were there previously and a note which seemed to have appeared on his bed.

He walked over cautiously, dreading what it read. As he drew closer and tilted his head aside, he could just about make out the small words.

**Behind you.**

Cold metal was forced against his wrist until he heard a distinctive click. A hand grabbed for his other wrist, which he tried to pull away from, but he knew it was too late when he heard a second click. He yelped as he was shoved forwards onto the bed.

“I’m going to show you true punishment, L. Just you wait.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long time coming.  
>  **Thank you to everyone who has waited patiently for me to update this.** Apologies for the extended hiatus.  
>  I'm really pleased with the feedback and kudos I've had since I've been away, so thank you ♥
> 
> I know it's very short chapter, but it's just to get back into the swing of it. I'm not sure how long it'll be before I update again, but the next chapter is in progress and I'll upload it as soon as I'm happy with it (which could be a while off). I'll be sure to post a very long chapter after this.

His shoulders ached and strained as his face was pressed against the sheets whilst fighting with desperation under his assailant. In his handcuffed state, there wasn't much he could do about it. The words Light had whispered in his ear were enough to raise the hairs on his neck. That’s when he became aware of the real danger he faced. A suspected, virtually proven guilty serial killer, who didn’t seem to have good intentions, now had him cuffed, and held complete control over him. 

L demanded his release, which earned him the near-suffocating experience of Light clasping his mouth in his hand. 

Before any other instinct had kicked in he was overcome with a moment of panic. It was only a matter of seconds before Light removed his hand, realising he’d shut up when his body went rigid.

If it hadn’t been for the handcuffs, he wouldn’t have hesitated to hit him. Hard. 

Light laughed at him, and the mocking tone in his voice made him more infuriating to listen to. “You really can’t take what you give, huh?”

He kept his mouth shut in hopes that it wouldn’t give the teenager more to argue about, but he knew that with his petty ways he’d find something to blame him for. And that’s what this had been about; Light was childish and refused to admit to it, and instead of overcoming his emotions or accepting an apology, he’d try to come up with means of revenge.

Light growled angrily to himself when he was met with L’s silence. Just when he thought the teenager was deciding to retreat, he felt cold fingers grasp him by the hips, which dragged him unwillingly onto his knees. His hands were tied, literally and figuratively, leaving him with his face pressed against the bed once again. 

There was a tug on the handcuffs which startled him.

“Why doesn’t it surprise me that you have nothing to say?”

L frowned, not giving him the satisfaction of a response, but turned as far as he could to catch a glimpse of Light leaning over him. 

He knew they were truly alone. Not even Watari could come to his aid, which seemed stupid now knowing that he only had himself to blame for putting so much trust in Light. With the cameras gone, there’d be no surveillance. No evidence. 

Light could do anything to him. 

His attention snapped to Light’s wrist, which remained just within his field of view.

“What’s wrong, L?

He stared, for a moment feeling very disoriented. With widening-eyes, and a heart that was beating faster than his breath could keep up with, he realized how foolish he’d been.

“Figured it out, huh? You took your time.”

His vision become clouded. He tried to brush it off, but the feeling grew more intense by the second. A purple haze quickly took over his sight as though the world around him was shrinking away into nothingness. The light-headedness that accompanied it made him want to throw up, along with his tightening chest. Yet something about it made him feel unreal. His mind seemed to disconnect from his body, and for the first time he was experiencing disassociation, but something in the back of his mind told him not to fight it.

_A heart attack? No, it doesn’t-_

He felt a sharp pain in his neck as a syringe was pulled out.

As he faded further from consciousness, Light's laughter rang through his ears.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, and I decided to make this one much longer than I originally planned, but I had plenty of new ideas while I was away.
> 
> For a while I'd lost my motivation to keep the fic going, but after having lots of input from a friend I've managed to get another chapter out and work out the ending, so I'd like to say thanks to her for encouraging me to carry on and giving me some great ideas. There's probably about two or three chapters left now. I've managed to foreshadow the ending in this chapter because I've done nothing but think about it.
> 
> I think this fic gets better with each chapter - or with how it's written at least. I've had more writing experience in the past couple of months which has really helped me come to better terms with it. This is my fun writing, as opposed to my serious university work, so this is meant to be taken lightly and not as anything serious. It's just something I enjoy doing.
> 
> I'm still getting more kudos with each chapter I post, and I'm really grateful for that too, so thank you to everyone who leaves kudos, comments, and actually reads my work.

Darkness had swallowed him up. He opened his eyes, and all he could see was a vast emptiness, with nothing but a purple haze that distorted his vision in intervals. Black, then purple, as though it was trying to keep up with his heartbeat. No matter how much he strained his eyes to catch even the slightest glimpse of anything, he had no such luck. He was beginning to lose his grasp on reality, and began to doubt that he was even living anymore, nevermind being capable of seeing again, which intensified the colour changes, and made them much more frequent. Terrifying, yet a reminder to him that his heart was still beating. He was definitely alive no matter what tricks the darkness played on his mind.

In the time he’d spent trying to regain his sight, he hadn’t moved a muscle. He couldn’t. All feeling in his body was absent from the neck downwards, and the only sense he retained was his hearing; even his sense of smell had abandoned him. L lay motionless on his side. He knew he was lying down was because his cheek rested against a cold floor. A sharp, icy pain shot through his skull, but he couldn’t sit himself up no matter how desperately he willed for it.

When he finally managed turn his head away, now peering over his shoulder, a small red light caught his eye from only a few feet away. It wasn’t luminous, but it was noticeable. For some unknown reason it gave him a shred of hope to hold onto.

Seconds later, that hope was snatched back from him.

“You’re awake.”

L’s body involuntarily flinched at the sound. That was the first thing he’d felt in what seemed like a while, but his senses numbed again shortly afterwards.

The voice he heard was distorted, but recognisable as Light. The teenager had been a distant memory to him from the second he’d woken up, and not once had he thought about him or what he’d done. It wasn’t until now that he became aware of how obscured his thoughts were. His mind was all over the place as he tried to reason with himself, and his heart was now beating in a panicked frenzy, but his paralysis stopped him from thrashing around.  

Light chuckled, but it didn’t translate well through the voice scrambler. That, combined with what he was saying, was far from innocent. There was a menacing undertone to his distorted voice. “It’ll wear off soon, I promise.”

“L-Light…” L’s broken voice croaked. “Where am I?”

There was silence once again. By this time he’d managed to force one of his arms to move, but he soon came to realise both wrists were bound together behind his back. He tried to force his way out, but he could feel the rope burns that were already present, almost like he’d had a previous struggle against it. It quickly became too painful to attempt to free himself as his arms slowly recovered from paralysis. His wrists and hands were contorted so awkwardly that it actually hurt, despite most of the sensation still not quite being there.

L shook his head, and pressed his face against the concrete floor. “Please don’t do this to me.” He squeezed his eyes shut as he braced himself to be struck with his own oncoming panic, but his voice was nothing more than a pathetic whimper, showing nothing of his real sense of fear. “I can’t do this, Light… it hurts...”

He almost expected laughter, again, from Light,  but it never followed, nor was there a hint of it in his voice when he spoke.

“This is how it has to be,” Light stated calmly.

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t let you leave. You were so close to finding out I was Kira again, and I knew I couldn’t let that happen.”

L shook his head once again, this time in disbelief. “I knew you _were_ Kira, and I still posed no threat to you. How was that not enough?”

“And you thought I’d believe you? An empty threat coming from you would still hold meaning... as would making no threats at all.” He paused for a few seconds, as though he was waiting for L to interrupt, but this was only returned with silence on his end. “ I know what game you’ve been playing with me all along, L, and I’m just fortunate enough to have retrieved the death note when I did. You were waiting for your time to strike.”

“That’s not true,” L had now regained his voice and most of his senses. His whole body ached, but he had just enough energy not to give in to the pain. “You’ve... wrongly understood the situation.”

“Is that so?” Light questioned mockingly, still refusing to believe him. “So you didn’t intend for me to find out about the surveillance?”

“I-I…” he stammered, not out of fear, but out of bewilderment. He still couldn’t see a thing, and it made him sick to his stomach. Trapped in the confines of a dark room, tied up, and vulnerable to whatever Light planned to do to him. He hoped reason would be enough to diffuse the situation. “I told Watari it was no longer necessary, and that you were cleared of suspicion. There was no surveillance, Light.”

Light’s unresponsiveness was unnerving. There was something missing from this picture, and he couldn’t quite grasp how Light had come to that conclusion, when he knew himself that he had no need to continue watching him. L knew he _was_ Kira, and did nothing about it even when given the opportunity, so it made little sense for L to monitor him when he knew for certain he was no longer Kira. And now, on the contrary to what he thought, Light was now Kira again, and believed he was under surveillance the entire time. It wasn’t adding up.

When the teenager spoke again, his mocking, playful tone had long gone. “That’s interesting to hear, coming from you. Watari clearly had his own agenda, and if that’s so, his blood won’t be on your hands.”

“N- _no_ …” his voice cracked. “Light, I-I’m sorry. _Please don’t_ …”

“What’s done is done, L.” The microphone made an audible click. Light disconnected.

Moments passed before he could process anything. L’s blood ran cold. His heart plummeted, and his brain couldn’t catch up with the physical afflictions this had brought him, so by the time he became aware of anything, his body, which had regained all senses, was suffering the loss of them once again. Slamming his head against the concrete floor, against all reason, he hoped to wake from his living nightmare. Tears streamed from his eyes without even a whimper to follow, but he trembled violently as he tried to cope with the conflict of heartbreak and anger.

\- - - - - - 

His happiness in contrast his own sorrow was sickening. The days prior to this had filled him with nothing but spite and ill-will towards him. Towards Kira. This wasn’t Light anymore, and he knew it, which only sickened him more. The grief he had to endure, for the loss of his father-figure and for his soulmate, was overwhelming, and he still hadn’t come to terms with that, or the events of the week he’d spent locked in a cell. Alone, with nothing but his own thoughts to distract him from the complete isolation from anyone but Kira. There would have been no other torture as well-suited to him.

The cell was no longer in complete darkness, and now he understood where he was; it was the exact cell he’d chosen for Light’s confinement. It was unclear how he found or gained access to it, or how he got him there unseen, but he was certain it had something to do with Watari. It had also been explained to him that if he hadn’t have been, _literally_ , left in the dark, the drug used to knock him unconscious would have most likely induced a severe migraine. At least a day went by before the lights were back on and he could finally see where he was. For all he knew, he could have been anywhere but the cell during that time, but L still had faith in his own judgement, despite it being his downfall. There was hardly a possibility that he’d moved from the very place he lay, nevermind the location, but remaining in the same location would at least make him easier to track down. There was a contingency plan in place if  such an event like this was to occur, and he knew that someone would be looking for him even without Watari there to save him.

It had been the most draining and mentally exhausting week of his entire life. The days seemed to merge into one, but Light, if that’s what he could still bring himself to call him, was able to alert him upon the passage of each day, and made a point of doing this as though he wanted to imitate his own confinement. It was possible he could have treated him better, L thought, and now he’d come to understand the harsh treatment he’d received. He’d done nothing inherently wrong, but Light chose to punish him nonetheless.

In the days that went by, he saw Light for the majority of them, and, to his own surprise, he’d bring food for him, maybe not what he wanted, but he had no intention of letting him starve to death. On both the first and second day, he rejected the food. He ignored every attempt he made to speak with him, and Light understood. L was never forced to eat anything, and Light would politely take the food away from him without uttering so much as a threat or curse. It was the third day that L came to his senses.

He was hesitant, but his stomach caused him enough pain that it made him aware of the rest of his weakening body. Light wouldn’t bring him sweets, and instead brought him everything _but_ sweets. When he mentioned this, he was scolded for even daring to ask, only to have half a sandwich offered to him as a healthier alternative.

“Try it,” Light demanded, not telling him as a mere suggestion, but with some force as he moved the sandwich closer to his mouth. “You need to eat something.”

It was difficult to ignore when he was desperate for something to eat. He’d gone for much longer without eating before, but from his initial struggle to escape, and the amount of stress he’d been put under, he was unable to decline anymore. The last memory he had of eating ‘normal’ food was in his childhood, and _at least_ before the age of five. It was now nearly twenty years later that someone had the nerve to challenge his junk food habit.

L leaned forwards and took a bite. He could see Light watching him intently. Without breaking eye contact, he ate the small piece of the sandwich. If he’d have been capable of spitting it back out, he would’ve done, but he managed to chew it up a few more times until he eventually forced himself to swallow, feeling slight relief that food was finally in him. He shivered at the not-so unfamiliar taste he remembered as a young boy.

“I’m lactose intolerant, I shouldn’t eat cheese.”

Light pulled the sandwich away from him, placing the partially eaten half back down on the plate and scowling at him. “You eat ice cream, don’t you? You wouldn’t eat that if you were lactose intolerant.”

L was adamant in his argument against the dairy product. He was fully convinced himself that he wasn’t lying, and he responded dryly to the accusation.

“There’s a reason I don’t eat cheese, Light. I can’t eat it.”

The fact he’d called him _Light_ again made him angry with himself, and as much of a convincing act that it was coming from the teenager, he would never be Light as long as he was Kira.

L shifted his weight around in discomfort. He’d been sat on the bed, his back against the solid wall behind him and pressed painfully against the back of his head, his shoulders, and his hands, which remained tied together behind him. When he tried to move, his body slipped. Watching him as he became more and more uncomfortable, slumping down the wall and trapped at an awkward angle - the back of his neck and head pressed even more awkwardly to the wall - Light sighed like a parent would at a disobedient child.

L’s attention was drawn to his eyes, which still seemed to convey real emotions that the real Light Yagami would’ve had. Nothing about him really seemed different other than how he was treating him for being L, and how he was capable of keeping him prisoner.

Light looked back at him; his gaze soft and almost forgiving. He put his best efforts into sitting him back up comfortably. “I can get you something else to eat,” he muttered, still staring straight into his eyes like he lacked the awareness of it. L’s previous response had been ignored, and Light went along without a fight, which was an unusual matter in itself. It pained him just to look into his eyes and still see the teenage boy that was trapped inside the body of such a monster.

“No, I wouldn’t want to put you through such trouble,” L answered, equally as soft spoken. He broke off from their shared gaze and glanced towards the cell door. “It doesn’t matter, it wouldn’t be worth the effort when I probably won’t be here for much longer. Like raising a cow for slaughter.”

“That’s not how this is. If I intended to kill you, I would’ve done it by now.”

He shook his head, then looked back at Light coldly. “Then why are you doing this to me, Light? I don’t want to be here, and I don’t want to be with you. You’ve taken the life of someone I loved dearly and you show no remorse, and in my opinion, there is nothing worse you could do to me,” his voice grew more heated than stern as he thought about Watari. “You may as well kill me, because the reality of it is that I don’t want to spend another second with you.”

This didn’t elicit the reaction he’d expected. Of course he was taken aback, but he didn’t show anger or malice towards him, nor did he leave him to rot in his cell. “I’m doing this because I want to be with you. Why can’t you see that?” Light shoved his blank yet scarred wrist in front of him. “I know being Kira won’t allow for you to be my soulmate, but I want to make it work.”

He tried to push reason. “I oppose Kira. It won’t work how you want this to. My point is that you can’t fix everything, whether that be with criminals or me.”

“No, L…” Light grabbed his shoulders firmly. “You have to let this work. I can prove to you that Kira isn’t evil, or a monster, and that everything done in his name is for the good of mankind.”

He tried to get away from him, but it came to no effect. “I don’t want to, Light. I’ve seen what he’s done and I refuse to accept that.”

“Just give me one chance to prove it to you. You don’t have to stay in this cell, I can show you everything beyond detaining you for your own good,” his tone changed, calming down from his passion-fueled preach to him, and he finally let go of him. “You need to look past that to see it.”

L perked up, leaning towards Light. “So what you’re saying is you’ll let me out of here if I agree to this?”

“Of course, providing you'd be willing to look at things differently.”

“I see,” L mused, examining his face in great depth. “That sounds fair. I suppose you can have the opportunity to prove yourself, even if I don't believe what you're doing is right.”

He was merely playing along to satisfy Light. He’d let anything happen in hopes he’d either be found quicker or escape Light before it was too late. Leaving that cell seemed to be the only solution, or at brought him closer to one.

Light spoke up again in sight of L’s apparent interest. “One condition. Or should I say two. Firstly, I’m not going to untie you, because I know you’ll only try to escape, and secondly, you have to do exactly as I say.  I need to find a new place for us to stay before we can get to any of that. I’ll need some time to work it out.”

Whatever he planned couldn't make things any worse. 

\- - - - - -

Light turned the key in the ignition. L knew that Light definitely hadn’t had driving lessons or held a license of any kind, as he either wasn’t old enough before L caught up with him, or in confinement at the time he should have been learning how to drive. This didn’t mean he doubted his ability to get him from point A to point B, but it was far from reassuring him that it was safe, however, it was his only way of leaving that prison cell behind, so he’d have to take anything he could get. A few hours had passed, or at least seven or eight, until he came back with the news he’d bought a small house for them to live in.

With it being L funding this - and clearly Light getting hold of his accounts from Watari - he couldn’t say he was too thrilled at this idea of buying a home, if he could even consider it that. It did mean he’d likely have some free roam. Even being taken to the car from his cell was a relief for his legs, which had previously been bound together with no practical uses for over a week. It concerned him that no one had come looking for him during that time.

L watched ahead from the passenger seat as Light pulled out of the underground parking lot, which he couldn’t say was the smoothest driving, but he managed. His own feet were propped against the dashboard, and his knees were uncomfortably close to his face. If they happened to crash, to put it bluntly, he was absolutely screwed. It was the only way he could sit in the seat without it injuring his tied up arms, so it was within good reason. Other vehicles passed him by at some speed as he turned to look out the side window, but he half hoped someone would notice them, hopefully the police, and pull the car over so he could be rescued. It seemed that wasn’t going to happen, as other drivers kept their own eyes fixed on the road and not on the passengers of other cars. They’d already joined the highway, and lack of attention could result in an accident. Not like he’d ever driven himself to know that.

He turned back towards Light, and he could see the concentration he had on the road. Considering he’d probably never driven more than a couple of times before, he grasped the logistics of it with ease, but good driving came with practice, at least that’s what he knew from piloting a helicopter. He never had any real lessons either.

Ten minutes passed before he began to pull off the highway, and he spent the entire time in absolute silence, either out of sheer concentration, or he just had nothing to say to him. It wasn’t an awkward silence, by any means.

It wasn’t long after that when he could feel the car slowing down, as it pulled onto a driveway obscured by trees and the building next to it - the house. There was nothing magnificent about it, but it had a certain charm. The building was all on one floor. It was small, enough for just the two of them, and had more of the makings of an apartment than a house. There was a certain excitement about getting there that he just couldn’t understand, as he was equally as terrified of what Light would do to him while he was helpless, in an environment out of his control.

Light sat in the driver’s seat for a few seconds after he stopped the car. His hands hadn’t moved from the steering wheel even as he looked towards the house. For the first time since he’d sat in the car, he finally broke the silence.

“This is what things should be.”

He was out quicker than L thought possible, which made it obvious he was trying to avoid any response to that. Walking around to the passenger side, the teenager opened the door for him, and assisted in pulling him out of his seat, which he was still positioned haphazardly in. His bare feet met the concrete driveway, and he budged himself out of the car until he was stood upright. Light slammed the door and walked off. L followed behind, leaving a small distance between himself and Light as he trailed along the short pathway.

Withdrawing a set of keys from his pocket, the teenager headed for the front door and pushed one of the keys into the keyhole. As he turned the key, he glanced over his shoulder towards L, before managing to get the door open. Light stepped aside, making way to gesture his companion inside. L stepped through the doorway, cautious of his new environment, like a cat being introduced to a new home.

It had the same familiarity of task force headquarters, yet it was definitely much more of a home. The hallway was practically empty, with nothing but a table sat next to the doorway, but he could see into the living room and kitchen from where he stood, both of which were plainly furnished with everything you’d expect to see in any well-inhabited living quarters. Light carefully closed the front door and placed the keys on the table, before grabbing L by the arm and guiding him through to the kitchen and getting him seated. His arms were once again being crushed by his own body against the back of a seat.

Light reached an arm around himself, and pulled a book from behind his back. A black book which L recognised instantly. He set it down on the table in front of him, and he looked back at him in awe.

“The other death note,” L concluded.

This earned a nod from Light, who smiled. “It wasn’t hard to keep it hidden once you stopped watching over my shoulder. A sleight of hand when we originally went to retrieve it, and here we are with it now. I’m surprised you didn’t see me tucking it under my shirt.”

“I can’t say I was looking for that,” he retorted, not amused in the slightest by his sly grin. “You’d already gained my trust, so I never suspected foul play. It appears I was wrong.”

Light sat in the chair adjacent to him, sliding the black book towards himself and flipping through the pages.

“It’s interesting to hear how much you let your guard down, but I can’t say I’m surprised. I kept my guard up more with you around. Especially when I regained Kira’s power...” He came to a stop at one of the pages. Without another word, he turned the page so L could read it.

Spelt out in small lettering, he could just make out the name.

_Quillsh Wammy._

“I still don’t fully understand what he did to deserve that fate. I doubt I can ever forgive you.” L glanced away from the page, averting his eyes from meeting Light's by staring down at the table's surface. 

“I'll make you understand. I know you'll forgive me... in time.”

The overwhelming look of disbelief L must have shown on his face had clearly thrown him off, as he knew there was a good counter-argument coming his way, but he pressed on against all odds of winning him over.

“Watari chose to ignore your request to remove surveillance. He knew about us and watched over you, without your knowledge.”

L sighed. “So you think it’s wrong that he wanted to keep watch over us? That’s your argument?”

“It’s wrong when you were as much a threat to me as I was to you. He had no reason to go against your will. I knew that if he had his own agenda, my life was at risk, especially when I'd been so open about being Kira. He could've used that surveillence as evidence to convict me, or even sentence me to an execution.”

“And you thought you didn’t deserve the same fate you put criminals to?” He could feel a laugh emerging for the first time in a while. It was a snort, but laughter nonetheless. “ _Kira-sama_ happens to have very warped perceptions of what is deserving of an execution and clearly thinks he's above that..." 

Light scowled at him in such a way that made his stomach knot, but having the last laugh and mocking him was completely worth it. It hurt to joke about him in relation to Watari’s death, but he wasn’t going to settle for him getting away with it; at least not without getting back at him first. 

Once again, the smile had been wiped off his own face just when he thought he’d won. Light pointed to the words scrawled underneath the name. "It's not like I killed him with my own hands."

_Suicide._

Anguish washed over him. If it was a unexpected fatality, it was unlikely that he'd managed to trigger an emergency message to Wammy’s House. After wondering why it’d taken so long for anyone to look for him, he now understood why.

His questions had been answered. No one would be coming for him. It could be two months before anyone became aware of his absence. This would seem normal, seeing as he could spend consecutive months, or sometimes almost a year, off the radar. It crossed his mind that he might not even hold out long enough to be worth rescuing.

Light cut him off, and his attention snapped from the book straight back to him. “It’ll be making dinner later, and I’m sure you’ll be hungry.” He got up from his chair and walked around the table to him. “For now, you should probably get some rest. We’ll have plenty of time to talk things over, _won’t we, L_?”

Those words and Light placing a hand on his shoulder simultaneously made his heart sink. Light knew it was getting to him, and wanted to push him until he reached breaking point. That was his method of persuasion. He’d brought him to the house to give him hope of freedom, trying to make him believe things would be better, only to continue snatching it away until he realised he couldn’t escape, and that he stood no chance against him. This setup also made it easier for him, allowing him for a more controlled environment to do as he pleased. To come and go as he wished. To have more contact with him without appearing to live an abnormal life, back and forth between a home and somewhere unknown. Harder to narrow down to and trace because he seemed to live a life of normality.  

He got to his feet, planning to actually go and get some rest. He hoped it would bring him some clarity of the situation. With one brief look down at the open book on the table, he turned back to Light, who smiled at him warmly before leading him out into the hallway and up the stairs.

The house was silent. L still wondered how he’d managed to find somewhere so quickly, and whether he’d lied and had it planned all along to do this to him. It wouldn’t be a stupid assumption to make, but he felt stupid for overlooking it, and now he was possibly in more danger than he had been. That cell was just to keep him detained while Light worked something else out for him, and he hadn’t forgotten how Light felt towards his identity of L even before anything happened. Now he refused to use his Ryuzaki alias entirely. Either everything posed a threat or he was just being paranoid, but he trusted his instincts with the former and stood by it completely.

Light reached the top of the stairs and stopped in front of an open doorway, leading to a bedroom.

“Try to get some sleep. I know you don’t usually sleep much anyway, but I want you to feel recharged for later.”

The question that lingered on his mind was for what he had in store for when he did wake up. L watched Light walk back down the stairs, leaving him to his own devices, but remembering to pick the keys up off the table in the hallway before L could even consider making a break for it. It wasn’t like he could leave anyway without the use of his hands.

Instead, he set foot into the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind himself in frustration. Scouting the room, he admired his surroundings, despite feeling wound up and ready to attack anything. If only it had been under different circumstances. A double bed was nicely made up for him, which he slumped down onto, and found himself gazing up at the ceiling as he tried to keep calm.

Seconds of focused breathing was enough for him to begin drifting off for the first time in days. Everything in that moment seemed just fine, no matter what else was going on around him. He enjoyed it while he could.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So remember that fic I stopped writing around 18 months ago? That fic I thought I wouldn't go back to? _This fic_? 2,500 words later and we have a new chapter.
> 
> It's been a while and I've found it so difficult to pick this up again... but after reaching 200 kudos the other day, I realised I couldn't just abandon it. You're all too great to not finish fic for. The response I've had has been phenomenal for me. 200 kudos! Thank you all so much, and thank you to anyone that might still be around from when I started it! 
> 
> I feel like my writing has come a long way since then. The worst part of this has been looking back on old chapters and thinking 'is it worth carrying on if I don't like it', but I still have full intention of re-working the parts I don't like, at a later date. It took a lot of determination to start this up again, believe me haha...
> 
> There's not many chapters left of this now...at least four, but we'll see. I can finish it, right? Sure I can. And I need to, for peace of mind.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy and thank you to all you lovely readers out there. This fic will get _lighter_ from here for a while, I promise...

He was irritated by the rope that kept his wrists bound, and his thoughts were directed to the sensation of friction burns. With each flinch, jolt or squirm, the knotted rope seemed to tighten. It tore at his already weakened and brittle skin. Until now, he’d never considered how painful a burn over a burn would be. To put it bluntly, it was excruciating, and far beyond any pain he’d ever experienced before. His hands still fought for freedom behind his back, contorting his wrists and thumbs in hopes of them being miraculously freed while he’d escaped Light’s attention.

Wincing, he looked up from the table to the person in question, lifting his head slow enough to escape his notice, and watching as he played around with his food. Using the bread roll as some kind of distraction, pinched between chopsticks to soak up the soup-like substance, he stared aimlessly into the bowl. 

He’d never seen him so sombre. He wasn’t sure why he cared, either. He should’ve been more concerned with how he’d break out of his restraints and which route around the house would be the quickest way out, yet these things seemed trivial in comparison. Lifeless eyes distracted him from his plans. L was curious, but he suppressed any urge to ask what was wrong. He knew, in a sense, what was troubling him and why… although that wasn’t to say he didn’t deserve what he got, or that it wasn’t something else entirely that was on his mind.

With eyes quick to dart towards him, he flinched again, causing his wrists to flare up as he felt every fibre of rope in contact with his skin bury themselves deeper. 

Even with this sudden change, Light’s gaze was still cold and impassive. The downturned corners of his lips gave away his sulking. He always frowned - never pouted. An unusual sight of greasy brown hair had L’s attention, knowing that he’d always made a point in the past of showering and washing his hair daily. Now it seemed to prove that he was faltering under pressure and neglecting himself. He was no better himself, but that didn’t stop him making such an observation. 

Placing the chopsticks down, he pushed the bowl away and crossed his arms on the tabletop. L’s eyes flickered back to his, catching the first glimpse of life he’d seen for the last day or two, followed by an unusually gentle smile as he leaned in slowly. The anticipation of something bad happening forced him to curl up in his chair; arching his back and slumping down as he tried to distance himself.

“I’ll untie you today,” he muttered, bearing what was now a sly grin as his eyes scanned his face. The smile of his only grew wider as he went on. “I know a week can be a long time not to use your hands.”

L shuddered at the air of his words, despite knowing that he was only sniping at him again. 

The lack of control made him obedient. Usually where he would’ve shot back with just as much spite, he was now cowering away from the first sign of conflict. Instead of objecting, he nodded in agreement.

A hand was brought to his cheek as the teenager reached over, caressing him with fingertips. L couldn’t stop himself from grimacing at even the slightest contact.

“I hate seeing you like this,” Light’s smile faded at his reluctance to be touched. Fingers traced his jawline and, again, he shuddered. “We could shower and get you cleaned up. Maybe we could sit outside afterwards if that’ll make you feel better. How does that sound?”

Unsure of how else to handle the situation, he gave another submissive nod. It was sickening how it felt to let the corrupt teenager have his way, but he knew too well that he had to play his game until his chance of escape came along, whenever that happened, or if it did, for that matter. A shower did sound appealing nonetheless.

\- - - - - -

In the process of slipping through the open screen, his towel dropped to his ankles as he stepped into the shower itself. In a matter seconds his hair was drenched. He let out a content sigh at the hot water beginning to trickle down his face, droplets developing into waterfalls as it ran down the rest of his untouched skin. It was sweet relief, and a feeling so surreal to him now that it felt like a luxury to have a shower at least once every couple of weeks.

It bothered him very little that Light would sit waiting for him on the bathroom floor. He wouldn’t let him slide the glass screen closed, as usual. The first time had been the most daunting, but L quickly overcame any anxiety of being nude in front of Light after being subjected to it a few times. 

It didn’t matter anyway, he thought, glancing away from the wall and over his shoulder towards the person in question. His opinions of him were meaningless and he had no desire to impress him. 

Pushing self-conscious thought aside, turning all attention back to regaining his hygienic standards, he made use of his untied hands, grabbed for the soap and began rubbing himself clean, undeterred by the burning gaze of the teenager, and made sure he reached everywhere. Partially to spite him, believing that Light was limited by his own self-restraint and would do nothing more than watch with perverted intent. 

Sounds of scuffling feet and hands against the tiled room behind him made him pause. His hands stopped what they were doing, and he turned back to see Light on his feet. He flashed a tight smile, one of constraint and discomfort.

“The sooner you’re out the sooner we’ll get fresh air, alright?” he prompted, taking a step forward and reaching down for the towel he’d removed mere minutes before. Straightening up, he handed it to him, meaning now he had to leave the warm caress of his shower. He was less than thrilled at his moment of relaxation being cut short. 

L refused to give him the pleasure of a response, simply taking the towel from him.

After an awkward moment or two of trying to cover himself up with said towel, Light ushered him out of the bathroom and straight back to the bedroom before he had the chance to protest. 

Taking one step into the room, the first thing brought to his attention were his clothes left out on the bed for him to change back into. What made it different this time was that Light had found him a clean shirt and jeans, after what must have been months in the same old clothes that had begun to wear and tear. 

He was hesitant to leave the doorway. Something about the way Light hovered behind had him convinced the door would be locked the moment he proceeded further inside. 

As though he’d read his thoughts, or understood his reluctance, Light squeezed past him, gently grabbing him by the shoulders and moving him aside in an unusual effort to make him feel at ease. He sauntered over to the bed where the clothes lay, sitting down alongside them and looking over to him expectantly. When L didn’t respond, by movement or question, he instead beckoned for him to come over. It made him shudder. His response to that wasn’t disgust, but something much worse: a feeling so vile he willed for another hot shower to rid himself of such manifestation. Vile because it made him feel unclean to still be plagued by it, after all this time, like a disease. 

One deep breath was all it took to recollect himself. Wandering over to Light, cautiously, he started to put some thought into his own vulnerability. Alone with a murderer, bearing nothing more than a small towel around his nether region, and too weak to argue against his lack of privacy, he felt great discomfort as he gravitated towards him. He felt like he had no choice. Light could do anything to him. If he wanted to kill him, it’d only take...

He stopped abruptly, prompting Light to look up. The sight of the wide-eyed, faux-innocence of Light Yagami... of _Kira_ , right in front of him. A mass murderer who had now made himself equally as vulnerable to him. 

The last mistake he’d ever regret making.

L flung himself forwards, clasping his hands around the teenager’s neck before he even had time to notice or react to the advance made on him. A wheeze was all Light could manage as bony fingers wrapped around his neck, thumbs squeezed his windpipe, and forced on his back as L attempted to straddle him. He thrashed around, hands and feet coming into contact with parts of his body, from L’s face to his groin, but the adrenaline coursing through him made him blind to any fight put up against him. Instead of resisting any blow Light landed, he shoved him harder into the mattress, making him thrash even harder and with extreme animosity. 

He felt detached, cold and… powerful over him, finally. Light’s hands scraped away at the constricting fingers that seemed to tighten now without conscious exertion. He even went as far as shaking him, which seemed to give Light a split second of air. Enough to let him cry out, and continue to put up another short surge of resistance.

It was a matter of seconds before his body began to fall limp. He stopped scratching at his hands, making a weakened effort to clutch at them. L heaved, his chest aching, and his fingers remained while he gazed upon Light. The tears in his eyes rolled down his cheeks as his body lost most of its rigidity. Light’s skin from the throat upwards went from a deep red to a sickening bruising purple. 

Eyes seemed to plead with him to let go. He stopped putting up a fight, but resorted to what could only be described as breathless sobbing. 

In the second he released him, Light bolted upright and somehow managed to shove L’s weight off him and onto the floor. He tumbled on his backside as he heard Light heave an unbelievable amount of air into his lungs. Sitting upright, he scrambled backwards along the floor, watching as his body collapsed back onto the bed in a fit of both coughs and gasps. 

Fear swelled inside him. His vision began to cloud at the edges as he stared down to his trembling hands, head throbbing and chest tightening. He heard Light’s heavy breathing stop, but he wouldn’t dare look in his direction. 

Was he unconscious? Dead? No… _no_ , he was still wheezing...

He willed himself to look at him. If he wasn’t terrified of what he’d do to him, a sigh of relief may have followed in that moment as Light propped himself back up on the bed, locking eyes with him. 

Bloodshot, teary eyes and damp cheeks. Sweat dripped from his hairline. His face was coloured in mixed red hues, which darkened around his throat where his hands had been, attempting to crush every last bit of life out of him in the heat of the moment, but now only a sign of his regrets. He wished he hadn’t. If he could take it back, he would, even if he was convinced he deserved it. The sense that stopped him from killing him should have been enough to stop him from attempting it. If he couldn’t finish what he started, it wasn’t worth the risk. 

“P-please…” he threw his back up against the wall as Light moved towards him - trying to get to his feet to better defend himself, clawing at the walls to give him the strength to get up. He couldn’t stop shaking enough to get stable footing, and slid back down the wall as the teenager stood over his curled up, cowering body. He tried to bury his face into his knees, willing himself out of existence.

But nothing came from Light. He hadn’t hit him, hurled himself at him, or set out on the vicious attack he was expecting. 

“Rem wrote Watari’s name.”

His head shot back up. There was a few seconds of delay between hearing Light’s words and actually understanding them. He mouthed them silently back to himself until they finally clicked. 

“I didn’t ask for it... s-she said Misa couldn’t go on without me...” he coughed again, in his persistent struggle to get his breath back. 

L stared blankly at the wall across the room. 

“You kidnapped me.”

“I had to protect you,” Light shot back, rubbing his throat. “I didn’t think you’d… go that far…”

“Protect me _how_?!” L snapped. “You lied to me! You hurt me!”

“She would kill you if she thought I c-... cared!” his voice cracked at his sudden outburst.

L found the energy in himself to stand up. Fear didn’t even come into question, and he could feel himself burning up again. With blind rage, he shoved Light, just enough to make him take a few steps back. 

With a frown and gaping mouth, he may have been about to say something. Instead, L silenced him.

“ _I fucking loved you, Light Yagami_ ,” he slurred, reaching back out and grabbing him by the shoulders as he shook him hard, losing all composure he once had. “And you _lie_ to me!”

“S-stop it…” Light tore his hands off him. “I had to, you don’t---”

“ _You_ tormented me with his death! This was _your_ work! _You_ did this!”

“Ryuzaki, I couldn’t--”

“ _‘Ryuzaki’_?!”

Neither of them said another word after that. His shoulders would rise and fall with every breath, and he was brimming with molten anger. He’d never shrieked at anyone in his life up until that point. Light gawked at him, horrified that he seemed to be finally losing it. 

And that’s when he felt guilt. It grounded his thoughts. It gave him a moment of clarity on what Light said to him, and what he’d done in return, in unnecessary vengeance, to someone who claimed to be protecting him. He knew there must have been some truth to it. That change in him that he couldn’t pinpoint now had an explanation. 

It didn’t seem like he was all for sticking around now anyway. He turned on his heel and started to leave.

“Light, don’t…”

“I need some air. Stay here.”

“ _Light_ ,” he urged, treading carefully after him. “I’m sorry.”

He stopped in the doorway and turned to him, gripping the door handle. 

“Don’t be.”

Light closed the door before he could get within a few feet of it. The lock turned, then clicked. 

Dropping to his knees, he slumped at the door and cried out after him. For him to turn around and let him out, to comfort and care for him, show him compassion, or just love him once more. He couldn’t find the words, but he could feel the unrelenting need that returned, craving the affection of possibly the only person he still had left.


End file.
